Selling Online Solution

Say a big hello to Stealthvape’s Swap Shop. There can’t be many of us who haven’t missed Noel Edmonds’ stellar TV show on a weekly basis. Saturday mornings used to mean something in the 1970’s, they used to be fun and worth getting out of bed for. These days the weekend appears to be nothing more than an endless series of trips to shops or being forced to climb a ladder, dice with death and pull weeds from the guttering.

We noticed that buying vape gear online frequently involves trusting the seller to be accurate in his or her description. Some photos tend to convey less detail than a convincing picture of the Loch Ness monster. Likewise, the liberties taken with language would lead one to believe at least 73% of sellers spend their days working as estate agents.

“Much loved device” – covered in scratches and the engraving is worn off.

“Gathering dust” – it broke in 2014 and I’m buggered if I know how to fix it.

“Will post on Thursday” – but I’m not going to tell you which month.

“Sought after” – a year ago but no one has wanted one since.

“Genuine reason for sale” – I’m honestly running out of reasons why you should buy this from me.

So, what about a streamed show that demonstrates the devices for the viewer’s delectation? It sounded like an absolutely brilliant idea to us. Given the lack of demand for Noel’s services since he stopped giving people empty boxes to open we decided to see if we could sign him up to host our new streamed vape show. Unfortunately he spent the entire interview attempting to sell us a magical box that would cure back problems, make a better cup of tea and transport us to other dimensions. We wished him well and waved goodbye as he climbed aboard his pogo stick bound for the train station, but not before buying one of the boxes. Damn that man could sell.

By chance, we bumped into Maggie Philbin in the Happy Shopper while she was buying a case of Diamond White cider. She told us that Rustie Lee was available for any work going. One phone call later and we had our super presenter.

Now, once we’ve saved up for the camera and other things we’ll need but not yet thought about, we are ready to go. Vapers across the country can send in their swaps and let us know what they want for them. Clearly we are going to have to ensure no children begin tuning in so we are implementing a thorough age vetting system. When you log on to Stealthvapeelectroniccigaretteunitedkingdomswapshop.com (yes, we were surprised the address was available too) you will be presented with a box asking you if you are over 18. Children will believe they can circumvent this by clicking ‘Yes’. Children are stupid – the real answer is ‘No’. Absolutely foolproof.

See you online.