When we were younger we had them. Maybe it was Batman? Maybe it was that bloke who used to hang around the park with a bag of sweets? Maybe it was Hans Hollen Nielsen, winner of 22 speedway world championships for Denmark? But we had them, we all had heroes. I don’t know about you, but I’m struggling to picture a scene where a six-year old has a photograph of Martin McKee or Simon Chapman on their wall.
Do you remember going to see the careers guidance officer? At least that is what they were called when I was at school, I believe following continual cutbacks that the Department for Education has issued all institutions with a dartboard labelled up with all the options. Spotty hormonal teenagers now shuffle down a dank corridor, pick up a blunt set of arrows and have three opportunities to land one of the two placements in their town.
If you were to carry out a survey of the Stealthvape workforce, a proper survey designed to uncover the truth – not like those political polls at election time – and ask the vital question: “what is the most important thing in the world?” If you get rid of the soppy answers covering spouses, spawn and love, you will find one answer topping all others. You will find the answer is cheese.
We Britons seem to be busier than ever, every year we are set tougher targets and higher goals than the year before. As we struggle by on a mix of luck and fudging of figures (it’s OK, you’re among friends, no one will tell), looking forward to retirement, some bright spark suggests that we should all continue working for even longer. No wonder people are shouting at each other across the lanes of the M25 and M6. We need to get happier.
Do you put your hand up when you cough or sneeze? Do you lay and work from outside to in with your cutlery? How about kissing when greeting, do you go for the informal double from cheek to cheek or hide in the toilet till they’ve all gone home? Us Brits seem to be preoccupied with etiquette, well a sizeable number of us anyway. Heck, somebody gives Debrett’s money to tell people how they should dress and stand at parties.
Life is not a bowl of cherries. All too frequently, when someone directs your attention to a vape story on a newspaper website, eyes are raised to the heavens and angry words might be uttered. People acted as though they’d never seen alternative facts before the recent US Presidential election – but we’ve been reading them for years. Are we paranoid? Do papers really keep reporting nonsense? A recent scientific study has looked into this very issue.
It is probably best if, before this article goes any further, we point out that we have not received any money, favours or benefits in kind from Big Music. No CDs, no tickets for The Proms – not even the autographs of Little Mix. Nothing. We need to point this out because there will almost certainly be some public health expert or other decrying us as shills or indulging in astroturfing.
It is incredible how inventive the human mind can be after it has spent an hour in the company of one of the world’s greatest idiots. Being confined in a room the size of a cupboard with someone who defied the odds to become the least qualified person to run a department really focuses the concentration. Focuses it on anything but what is dribbling from his mouth. And so it came to be that this article can help the entire independent vape industry.
A sad by-product of the boom in vaping is that it has attracted a bad element. Yes, it’s only a handful of wrong’uns, but they cause distress and upset to decent people. Stealthvape would like to ask for your help in tracking down one thief in particular, who took a personal iPhone that belonged to a popular member of the Van Dykes Vapes team.
Humble apologies for the headline to this blog post. We fully appreciate that in order to make a play on Easter we needed to have been doing this since the day after Bonfire Night, tying in with the five months of Cadbury’s Cream Egg adverts. Regardless, where do you vape yours – and, probably more importantly, where do you think you’ll be vaping yours in the future?