We know what it’s like when you attempt to talk to people who don’t vape, so many of them just don’t get it. And you know what it’s like when you meet someone who does vape. It’s a summit of minds, an encounter of interests, a gathering of passions. Don’t you wish it could be like this everyday?
Of course you do, you would love to be able to form a long-term relationship with another vaper – or maybe just have a weekly dalliance – and now you can thanks to Stealthvape’s Date Vape Vaper Dating Service [SDVVDS].
Obviously, after Ashley Madison, many people looking for relationship introductions online have some reservations. The first question will be: “I’m looking for confidentiality, how do I know that my data will be safe?”
We have always taken security seriously. If you were to visit the toilet at Stealthvape Towers you’d see that you need to enter a 64-bit encrypted password for the toilet paper dispenser. This needs to be done for every three sheets, and so toilet breaks can run on for quite a bit of time, but there’s not been one incident of toilet paper theft since the new protocol was put in place.
For SDVVDS date vapers, we will be using an OTP encryption algorithm where an artificial intelligence program generates a key. The Artificial Intelligent Data System [AIDS]™ is as good as uncrackable. And it doesn’t matter anyway as we will not store your data on our computer – for double safety, we will sell all data off to a third party. Good luck hacking our network, hackers, there’s nothing there.
The second question on the minds of SDVVDS date vapers is: “How are you going to match me up with the vaper of my dreams?”
In conjunction with the world’s leading software developers, we have created the Customer Organisational Numerical Decision Option Matrix [CONDOM]™. This foolproof program measures up the compatibility of two vapers by using all the supplied information, a handful of assumptions and a random number generator picking zero or one.
Plus, the data collecting probably undergoes the most stringent process in the online dating industry. Vapers will be asked to provide honest and accurate information about themselves. SDVVDS members will have to tick a box stating that they have been honest…which will ensure all photos are current, and all claims to weight/height/quantity of hair and employment are valid. A final checkbox will ensure than nobody joining SDVVDS is an axe murderer.
“What kind of things will I be able to get up to on my dates?”
If you want to sit in a café and talk about the benefits of stainless steel over Kanthal-type coils then that is up to you and your Date Vape vape date. Or maybe you fancy getting personal as soon as possible and swapping juices? We aren’t going to dictate how consenting adults spend their time; all we ask is that you pay your ridiculously high monthly membership as part of an industry leading binding 24-month contract.