Actually, we all grow up with the option to listen to an engaged tone on the day tickets are released. Then we all love to go on to ticket reseller sites, thirty seconds later, because (magically) all the people who just bought the tickets are now no longer able to go. At a ridiculous mark-up.

How much do we love festivals? We love them so much that it is now the only acceptable medium through which to convey political ideas. First, there were wandering minstrels singing about the plague. Then came Corbyn’s Glastonbury ’17 set where he belted out some of his old favourites as well as things off his difficult new album? Even the Tory Party is going to set up its own Glastonbury (or, Gladstone-bury) to boost their popularity. Imagine the scene: Andrea Leadsom in a weekend hippy frock (claiming that she was once in The Fall), Michael Gove with beads around his neck, and Theresa May running around laying waste to a nearby crop.

It’s because we’ve been conditioned.

During the 1970s, an assortment of bearded horrors and future Yewtree suspects were kicked out from Broadcasting House. If you close your eyes you can picture them being forced with electric cattle prods into crates on the Radio 1 lorry. That’s not what happened, but it might help.

We were conditioned to think that if a job is worth doing then it shouldn’t be done in a small room. It should be done on a makeshift stage, in British weather, in front of a load of cheering people screaming out for free stuff. People who, instead of doing jobs or hobbies, are getting drunk and sunburnt/soaked.

Our current selection of ecigfests are all well and good, but all bar one are inside and none of them are going to reach those people who can benefit from vaping the most: non-smokers. This must be the reasoning behind The Science of Vaping tour; a national myth debunking jolly that kicked off in Milton Keynes. Thing is, nothing has been heard from them since the end of June. One can only but assume that the organisers fell into the comedy Amnesty Shredder or are still stuck in MK’s myriad of roundabouts.

So, as we’ve had the three days of sun that constitutes a good British summer, it’s almost definite that Halfords are now having a sale on camping stuff. We reckon that £30 will kit us out with a tent of marquee proportions, a multihob gas stove and some lilo repair kits. All we need is someone with a van and some pens to customise white T-shirts. Let’s get together and promote vaping with the Stealthvape Summer Festival of Vape Roadshow Extravaganza. Who’s in?