We said it first, just remember that. We called for a concerted effort on the part of British vapers to make vaping the sexiest activity this side of getting drunk and stealing flowers from a roundabout on the way home. It’s now very, very possible all thanks to the new direction taken by a leading car manufacturer.
The thing is: words change. Meanings, over the course of time, ebb and flow. One minute the words ‘bollocks’ describes a group of medieval vicars, the next it’s on the cover of a young beat combo’s LP. What? You don’t know what an LP is? What do they teach people at school these days? All flower arrangements and how to ask how everybody is feeling today, I suspect.
Then, the word goes on to mean everything that awesome. For example: “This car/nailgun/crack pipe is the bollocks!” *You can now study for a degree in swearing, this is true, that’s how far education has fallen. Which all may be a bit off topic, but don’t worry about it because we are on a journey in the new Vauxhall Bollox and will be arriving at our destination in approximately five more paragraphs.
Some will recall the advert that included a sexy lady vaping as though she was giving a man oral pleasure. It sent shivers through the establishment. Once upon a time they’d never be able to shut up about the Romany bint (with a field and her paints, suggesting we feint at her beauty). Heavens to Betsey, they hollered, and threw their hands to the sky, while The Telegraph described it as “sexy as watching someone gutting fish”.
But, faster than you can say “You see an awful lot of sideboob in shower adverts these days”, the paradigm has well and truly shifted - and thanks for that has to go to the daughters and sons of Henry Ford.
In the 1990s Dennis Hopper was in-demand cool. Once, at the centre of youth culture, he was a cult figure. Then he went through a period of wearing corduroy jumpers and dancing badly at parties. Then he became a symbol of rugged desire once more. He was the perfect face for the Ford Cougar advertising campaign, a car named after a wild animal capable of ripping your face off.
Hopper was great, the Ford Cougar was great, and every single thing was great. But the Millennium loomed and the Millennium was set to ruin everything. It gave us The Backstreet Boys and bastardised the lovely word cougar. Now cougar means a middle-aged lady - who is capable of ripping your face off.
And in Ford’s latest advert they play on that association. The sexy sex-crazed voiceover of a sexy lady asks other middle-aged sexy ladies how much they like sexy sex. Oh, for sure, they spell it Kuga (and make no mention of sex) but it’s still all about the moist, throbbing sex.
So, there we have it: the way ahead is clear as Britain moves from 70’s smutty innuendo to full-on sex references in advertising. Come on eliquid manufacturers: where is Fani juice? Now we can all own Mantool’s Rod™, the mod you want in your hand all of the day. There may be limits to this, we would advise against The Subohm Pederast atomiser. That wouldn’t be funny at all.