Providing Motivation

Stanton Glantz doesn’t like it though. He doesn’t like the idea of vapers enjoying themselves and he loathes the idea that you are all being paid by Big Tobacco to promote vaping. Katie Hopkins probably hates it too. We haven’t bothered to find out as reading her Twitter feed has been linked to an increased rate of brain aneurisms, but it’s a reasonable bet that as normal people enjoy it she will despise them.

There’s a market segment that’s been clearly overlooked though, and we believe we’re riding the bleeding edge of invention by catering to its needs. We asked ourselves the question: “Where’s the next step?” There’s everything for vapers who have successfully swapped smoking for ecigs and yet those vapers looking to switch of electronic cigs entirely – nothing.

Sure, vaping is awesome and makes us all look cool but some people don’t like the secondary effects. Being swamped with attractive folks bent on getting to know you sexually or hang out down the pub can become a drag if all you want to do is stay in and listen to Gardener’s Question Time. What’s a person to do? You need the Stealthvape range of motivational products, that’s what.

Step One: The Stealthvape VapeMate Safe. It’s like a normal safe but six times better. With sections to accommodate you mods and atomisers, dedicated drawers for all of your rebuildable equipment and a toilet roll dispenser, it’s the ideal repository for all of your gear. How does this help? It aids you because the Stealthvape Vapemate Safe randomly changes its 17-digit electronic password ensuring that you’d have to really be dedicated to taking vaping up again. It took Stephen Hawking three weeks and a computer-operated acetylene torch to get in during our extensive trials.

Step Two: The Stealthvape Vapemate Nonvapecig. It looks like a mod and atomiser, it has a colourful liquid in the tank, but press the button and nothing happens. It’s like being inside Katie Hopkins’ brain; nothing is going on, but nicer. You get all of the enjoyment from holding something amazing but none of the temptation to use it in public.

Step Three: The Stealthvape Vapemate Patch. This isn’t like a nicotine patch because that would be stupid. No, these are like pirate eye patches but in the style of glasses so that even if a friend pops around you won’t be able to see their kit. Not only will it remove temptation but also you will become as fantastic as a pirate Johnny Depp. We do not advise using the Stealthvape Vapemate Patch when driving or operating heavy machinery.

And when you have successfully (avoided accidents) quit, we’ll be there for you in the future too with a forthcoming range of post-vaping products. You might want to leave the Stealthvape Vapemate Patch off so you can read about it.