Probably inspired by some film or other, clowns have been wreaking havoc across the United States. Now they’re scaring people witless in Britain (who’d find watching an episode of Strictly Come Ed Balls frightening in the dark). What is going on and how does it relate to vaping? We decided to investigate.
Having walked all the way down the high street, we discovered that our local police station closed in 1989 due to budget cutbacks or something. It came as a surprise to us to discover that all crime had been solved and there was no longer a need for police stations or, thinking about it, those people who used to work inside. It made us wonder where they find those police people that are always on Channel 5 fly-on-the-wall documentaries? Maybe that’s their full-time job now? And maybe they pay people to be criminals too? People who now have nothing to occupy their days since they stopped being villains for the police to chase?
And then we found one, PC Laura Binding. (Honestly, if no one finds that pun funny I’m going to give up doing this and see if C5 want to take up the option on my ‘Life as a bloke typing on a computer’ fly-on-the-wall documentary).
She’s a police officer.
Laura Binding the police officer.
Law abiding - Laura Binding. Oh for goodness sake, I give up.
We didn’t go for a walk, there isn’t even an ‘us’. It’s just me sitting here, making up stuff as usual, in an effort to pad out another article.
It’s because each week the latest stories in the media get scanned in an attempt to seek inspiration for a new article. It’s just that the only thing anybody has been talking about is clowns. There are ones with funny make-up waving knives outside Primary schools, ones fighting each other in the European Parliament, ones trying to become the president of America and ones trying to make out vaping should be severely regulated as it poses untold unproven dangers.
Under normal circumstances there would be a link here to the interview given by Stanton Glantz to Regulator Watch. We’d offer up the opportunity for others to get as angry at them as we were, but then it seemed like a bit of a horrible thing to do.
It’s Friday. Most of you will have spent the week working industriously and are looking forward to a weekend of smiles coupled with alcohol and curry abuse. The last thing you need is Glantz gurning through your monitor as he explains that his mission in life is to “just tell it like I see it!”
What is exceptionally obvious is that this man is going out of his way to say things that vested interests would like him to say, not what he sees. For example, he has seen the Public Health England report, the Royal College of Physicians report and the recent Cochrane Review.
Quite how the man can blindly ignore the weight of evidence is beyond me - just one more clown who has really annoyed me this week. But unlike real actual genuine clowns, this one and the ones like him pose a serious risk to harm reduction and the health of millions of smokers. Channel 5 should do a program about it.
Laura Binding though, eh? Laura Binding.