Actually, we all grow up with the option to listen to an engaged tone on the day tickets are released. Then we all love to go on to ticket reseller sites, thirty seconds later, because (magically) all the people who just bought the tickets are now no longer able to go. At a ridiculous mark-up.
How much do we love festivals? We love them so much that it is now the only acceptable medium through which to convey political ideas. First, there were wandering minstrels singing about the plague. Then came Corbynâ€™s Glastonbury â€™17 set where he belted out some of his old favourites as well as things off his difficult new album? Even the Tory Party is going to set up its own Glastonbury (or, Gladstone-bury) to boost their popularity. Imagine the scene: Andrea Leadsom in a weekend hippy frock (claiming that she was once in The Fall), Michael Gove with beads around his neck, and Theresa May running around laying waste to a nearby crop.
Itâ€™s because weâ€™ve been conditioned.
During the 1970s, an assortment of bearded horrors and future Yewtree suspects were kicked out from Broadcasting House. If you close your eyes you can picture them being forced with electric cattle prods into crates on the Radio 1 lorry. Thatâ€™s not what happened, but it might help.
We were conditioned to think that if a job is worth doing then it shouldnâ€™t be done in a small room. It should be done on a makeshift stage, in British weather, in front of a load of cheering people screaming out for free stuff. People who, instead of doing jobs or hobbies, are getting drunk and sunburnt/soaked.
Our current selection of ecigfests are all well and good, but all bar one are inside and none of them are going to reach those people who can benefit from vaping the most: non-smokers. This must be the reasoning behind The Science of Vapingtour; a national myth debunking jolly that kicked off in Milton Keynes. Thing is, nothing has been heard from them since the end of June. One can only but assume that the organisers fell into the comedy Amnesty Shredder or are still stuck in MKâ€™s myriad of roundabouts.
So, as weâ€™ve had the three days of sun that constitutes a good British summer, itâ€™s almost definite that Halfords are now having a sale on camping stuff. We reckon that Â£30 will kit us out with a tent of marquee proportions, a multihob gas stove and some lilo repair kits. All we need is someone with a van and some pens to customise white T-shirts. Letâ€™s get together and promote vaping with the Stealthvape Summer Festival of Vape Roadshow Extravaganza. Whoâ€™s in?
OK, fair enough, as a species we manage to make more than our fair share of idiotic decisions. Weâ€™ve created a system of politics that would be better housed in a circus, driving around in a clown car. We value voting for a performing dog over that of intellectual debate. While weâ€™re busy pointing fingers: stand up if you purchased a copy of Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice. All 600,000 of you!
And if you bought the Jedward version, just leave the room now and never come back.
No, if you look at things that way then we donâ€™t appear to be brighter than an old pair of slippers. But we arenâ€™t looking at ourselves that way. We are thinking of higher things: the way that you are regulating your body temperature through feedback loops and evaporating your salty juices. The way your pulse will quicken when you spy Sports Direct is having a sale, and that you donâ€™t think twice about breathing during the course of an average day.
â€œBut hang on,â€ you say, â€œyou canâ€™t have us all claiming to be bright just for having the ability to not continuing holding a hand onto a red hot oven hob.â€
Public health people believe smokers are so stupid that theyâ€™ll quickly vape too much nicotine if left to their own devices. Although they havenâ€™t stated this publicly, they also worry that once people start buying eliquids theyâ€™ll store it all in a bath. And then bathe in it while poking themselves in the eyes with 30ml bottles.
Clearly, the only safe thing to do was to campaign for juice bottles to be made tiny and restricting the volume of nicotine contained therein. Weâ€™re all far too stupid to be trusted.
â€œIncomplete self-titration may be due to a â€˜saturationâ€™ effect, that is, a limit on the volume of liquid that an individual can comfortably consume within a given time period, or because a given level of compensatory puffing is sufficient to achieve subjective satisfaction and alleviation of craving and withdrawal symptoms.â€
We will vape only up to the point where the desire to do so is sated. Heavy users simply vape longer inhales more frequently to overcome a restricted volume of nicotine. This, in turn, leads to a higher coil temperature â€“ which is the subject of ongoing investigation.
Consequently, it makes sense to reverse the 24mg limit (even if it only impacts on a small group of potential users) because thereâ€™s a lack of logic to the ban. Hereâ€™s hoping that MPs discover the innate intelligence our bodies possess, as they zoom about in their clown cars.
Time For Action was a harmless call to arms for people to go out at night-time, dress up smartly, and issue the bizarre extra-terrestrial demand â€œTake me to your leaderâ€. The band showed the world what a call to action looks like, in their video, and it mainly consisted of standing around bored on staircases or in front of shops. It is highly likely that adopting this type of action contributed for the lack momentum in their revival.
When it comes to being a time for action for vapers, a slightly more energetic protest might be called for.
If youâ€™ve been on holiday, living in a box or one of those vapid people on Love Island, you will have missed the news from San Francisco. No, they havenâ€™t renamed it Trumplandia, in honour of the President â€“ no, theyâ€™ve done something really stupid.
Banning all vape flavours apart from tobacco stupid. Thatâ€™s how mind-numbingly stupid they were. Almost all vapers tend to kick off with tobacco juices and some choose to stay on them, only a minority mind you. Our survey last year showed that less than 10% of vapers regularly use tobacco flavours. We love custards, we love sweets and we love fruits.
The reason is obvious: shortly after switching from smoking tobacco cigarettes, our sense of taste begins to return. A world of sweet delights that had been closed off to use blossoms, taste buds explode with delight. And, because some of us are that way inclined, we love to vape juices that taste like Tooty Frooties.
This doesnâ€™t matter to the fervent puritans bent on banning all forms of smoking. It looks like smoking to them and, what they hate even more, vapers appear to enjoy what they do. â€œHeavens to Betsy! You canâ€™t actually enjoy vaping,â€ they holler. So, they have come up with a way to make sure you donâ€™t.
“For too many years, the tobacco industry has selectively targeted our young adults with products that are deceptively associated with fruits and mint and candy,â€ lied the authoress behind the imbecilic legislation.
Will it make a difference?
Obviously not to current vapers, those who know what theyâ€™re doing will simply drive across the city limit to somewhere that sells what they used to buy. Others will hop online and order a delivery. What this does do is send a clear message that despite the advances being made in winning the argument in Europe, there is a stronghold of crass irresponsibility in California. There is a cohort of liars and charlatans who wonâ€™t stop in their mission to ban vaping in all forms, and they will take any measure necessary to achieve that end. We may be an ocean away but their influence spreads over to the UK.
Maybe you can go stand in a concrete stairwell, maybe you can loiter outside the front of a shop, or maybe you could give some support to the New Nicotine Alliance.
Some people claim the majority of negative vape research comes from just three people: Chapman, Glantz and McKee. This is not true, it conflates opinions being sought or expressed in the public domain with the origin of the research. Chapman is a retired rentamouth, McKee has not authored any study other than the odd paper review-based exercise, and Glantzâ€™ forte is twisting other peopleâ€™s findings.
Of course, this should surprise nobody seeing as none of them are scientists in any true definition of the term. They are anti-tobacco in the sense that they are puritanically anti tobacco companies, and smokers are simply casualties of the war of words they are waging.
The question that ought to be asked is â€˜what is it about their words that they carry a disproportionate weight in the media?â€™ How come their sound bites take precedent over quality science?
The answer, according to the American Association for Science and Health (ACSH) comes down to snappy, simply headlines. Or rather, scientists conducting proper research looking at aspects of vaping havenâ€™t learnt to write in clear English. The response to that would be, â€˜why should they cater to the general public when their papers are aimed at their peers for review?â€™
ACSH respond: â€œWhether they like to admit it or not, scientists want to have a broad impact on society. Sure, recognition from other academics is nice, but most scientists would prefer to see their research splashed across the front pages of the New York Times and BBC News.â€
Nicola Di Girolamo, in her paper titled “Healthcare articles with simple and declarative titles were more likely to be in the Altmetric Top 100â€, discovered that, err, simple headlines get better media coverage.
Researchers looking into vaping need to take note: The media adores a good ecig story, especially if it is gifted to them on a plate with a good press release and easy to understand bullet points.
So, the initial statement can be rewritten: â€œThe problem is,â€ they say, â€œthat thereâ€™s not enough information out there [in the mainstream media] â€“ we simply donâ€™t knowâ€¦â€ what we donâ€™t know.
Do you know how many ecig-related papers were published just in the last week of June? All of these:
Â· â€œIn-person retail marketing claims in tobacco and E-cigarette shops in Southern Californiaâ€ by JS Yang, MM Wood, K Peirce
Â· â€œNicotine delivery to the aerosol of a heat-not-burn tobacco product: comparison with a tobacco cigarette and e-cigarettesâ€ by KE Farsalinos, N Yannovits, T Sarri, V Voudris
Â· â€œElectronic Cigarettes as an Introductory Tobacco Product Among Eighth and 11th Grade Tobacco Usersâ€”Oregon, 2015â€ by JZ Hines
Â· â€œWhy Don’t More Smokers Switch to Using E-Cigarettes: The Views of Confirmed Smokersâ€ by N McKeganey, T Dickson
Â· â€œBehavioral economic substitutability of e-cigarettes, tobacco cigarettes, and nicotine gumâ€ by MW Johnson, PS Johnson, O Rass, LR Pacek
Â· â€œElectronic cigarettes smoking among youth, its trend and factors associatedâ€ by S Ali
Â· â€œTobacco Use Among Middle and High School Studentsâ€”United States, 2011â€“2016â€ by A Jamal
Â· â€œElectronic Cigarettes in Germany: Patterns of Use and Perceived Health Improvementâ€ by K Lehmann, S Kuhn, J Reimer
Â· â€œAdvances in Global Health Communicationâ€ by CE Beaudoin, T Hong
Â· â€œE-vaping deviceâ€ by SR Rinehart, BS Smith, C Dendy
Â· â€œOffsetting the Impact of smoking and e-cigarette vaping on the cerebrovascular system and stroke injury: Is Metformin a viable countermeasure?â€ By MA Kaisar, H Villalba, S Prasad, T Liles, AE Sifat
Â· â€œRecommended core items to assess e-cigarette use in population-based surveysâ€ by JL Pearson, SC Hitchman, LS Brose, L Bauld
Â· â€œPrevalence and correlates of electronic cigarette use among Canadian students: cross-sectional findings from the 2014/15 Canadian Student Tobacco, Alcohol and â€¦â€ by A Montreuil, M MacDonald, M Asbridge, TC Wild
Â· â€œElectronic cigarette use among US adults in the Population Assessment of Tobacco and Health (PATH) Study, 2013â€“2014â€ by BN Coleman, B Rostron, SE Johnson, BK Ambrose
Â· â€œThe electronic cigarette, do we need to worry?â€ by ML LÃ¸chen
Â· â€œEffect of Electronic Cigarette Messages on Young-Adult Behavioral Dispositions Towards Useâ€ by I Ariel
Â· â€œNovel method of nicotine quantification in electronic cigarette liquids and aerosolsâ€ by M Ogunwale, Y Chen, W Theis, MH Nantz, D Conklin
Â· â€œPERCEIVED HEALTH RELATED RISKS OF VAPING AMONG UNDERGRADUATE STUDENTS IN FACULTY OF MEDICINE AND HEALTH SCIENCES, UNIVERSITI â€¦â€ by HS Minhat, S Selvanathan, A Wahab
Â· â€œAttitudes Toward Tobacco 21 Among US Youthâ€ by H Dai
Â· â€œPharmacodynamic and pharmacokinetic assessment of electronic cigarettes, combustible cigarettes, and nicotine gum: implications for abuse liabilityâ€ by MF Stiles, LR Campbell, DW Graff, BA Jones, RV Fant
Â· â€œElectronic cigarette use as an aid to quit smoking in the representative Italian population PASSI surveyâ€ by G Gorini, G Ferrante, E Quarchioni, V Minardi
Â· â€œComparison of Periodontal Parameters and Self-Perceived Oral Symptoms among Cigarette-Smokers, Individuals Vaping Electronic-Cigarettes and Never-Smokers: â€¦â€ by F Javed, T Abduljabbar, F Vohra, H Malmstrom
Â· â€œA study of regulatory policies and relevant issues concerning electronic cigarette use in Taiwanâ€ by TH Jiang, LM Cheng, MA Hawkins
Â· â€œCPDD News and Viewsâ€ by G Kong, S Krishnan-Sarin
Â· â€œThe impact of cancer drug wastage on economic evaluationsâ€ by J Truong, MC Cheung, H Mai, J Letargo, A Chambers
Â· â€œInfluence of smoking on aneurysm recurrence after endovascular treatment of cerebrovascular aneurysmsâ€ by J Futchko, J Starr, D Lau, MR Leach, C Roark
Â· â€œDo neurobiological understandings of smoking influence quitting self-efficacy or treatment intentions?â€ by K Morphett, A Carter, W Hall, J Lucke, B Partridge
Â· â€œLower-Risk Cannabis Use Guidelines: A Comprehensive Update of Evidence and Recommendationsâ€ by B Fischer, C Russell, P Sabioni, W van den Brink
Â· â€œLegal and health dilemmas challenging India’s eâ€cigarette endorsementâ€ by G Agoramoorthy
Â· â€œGlobal and targeted serum metabolic profiling of colorectal cancer progressionâ€ by Y Long, B Sanchezâ€Espiridion, M Lin, L White
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