Monthly Archives: November 2014

Welcome to the world of vaping


The phenomenal growth in online forum membership and the proliferation of Facebook groups dedicated to vaping stand in testament to position decried by idiots as unproven: Vaping works.

18,434 people belong to Planet of the Vapes, 23,455 people are members of UK Vapers, Vape News Magazine now has a circulation figure over 35,000 and a Google search for ‘facebook’+’group’+’vape’ returns 1,130,000 results.

As we’ve grown in numbers, as vaping worked for us as individuals, we’ve drifted apart along the way. There’s just so much to see and do, there are so many opinions.

I remember starting vaping just over two years ago as a means of not relapsing back into smoking after a seven year break from cigarettes – and I remember feeling how there was so much to learn as I proudly puffed on my eGo and CE2 with a lump of Kuwako plastic stuck on the end. I bought my horrible juice from a market man and worried every time I cut a piece of silica that I was going to kill myself, my children and the dogs with the bits flying off.

And over that time we have seen fashion shift to Pinoy mods, then to ever increasingly pricey American and European models to 2014 ‘The Year of the Box Mod’. Regulated devices have never been more popular as the cloud chasers seek higher and higher outputs and people lust for DNA40-powered kit.

The sheer range of mods and attys now is simply amazing…and no longer is there just a straightforward wick and wire option either: Voodoowool, cotton, Muji and less delectable offerings joined silica; Kanthal can be bought in fancy premade formats, Nickel for the DNA40 crowd and even G-spot welding wire.

Forums have been preoccupied with silica fragments, metal particulates, kitchen sink juice manufacturers, the contents of juice, exploding Gen 2 batteries, sub-ohmers destroying the space-time continuum, more things in juice…oh, and a bit of politics. And so it will continue because we love to talk about vaping stuff.

Whatever confusion I felt when beginning must pale in comparison to the challenges faced by today’s quitters. So welcome to the world of vaping everyone. Sorry I couldn’t say ‘hi’ on your intro thread personally but with the Sun due to expire in 4.5billion years there wasn’t the time to get to you all.

Fortunately, from my experience, the bulk of vapers are enthusiastic and happy go lucky types who adore sharing their knowledge of this absorbing hobby. And it is a hobby, it meets all the criteria: it consumes my free time, almost all of my disposable income and my wife doesn’t understand it.

So, once again, welcome to our wonderful and sometimes frustrating and infuriating world. Welcome to a voyage of discovery where you can just kick back and enjoy. What works for you is always good enough and every analogue you don’t smoke is a win.

Just because you are paranoid…


If your memory serves you well then you’ll recall that the likes of British Gas had abysmal customer service, premium-rate phone numbers and liked to keep you on hold for as long as possible. I took to reciting a list of possible key words with each call in the hope that it would break me out of the hold queue. Kidnap revolution bomb fatwa plot.

Annoying family members and friends who send me pictures of cats or their children by email now get the same treatment. I make a point of trying to use as many key words as possible so that they can spend a fortnight being followed by a black van with blacked out windows. Lockdown epidemic toxic plague CIKR.

A FOI request to the Department of Homeland Security in 2012 highlighted the (then) 377 words they actively scan for in intercepted emails and social media posts. Giving information like this to someone as “emotionally immature†(not my words, the words of my line manager during an annual performance review) as me is begging for problems. Perica NBIC port heroin worm conflict NH4NO3.

Clearly there is a need to drop a dirty bomb of mischief and I’m the idiot to do it. The point of this? Well, frankly I’m a bit disappointed that you think there has to be one – it places unacceptable levels of expectation on my writing. There is a point, it was reported on Reuters newswires this week:

The Food & Drug Administration is monitoring your Facebooks. That’s right, the American agency tasked with the oversight of US policy on vaping has employed people as part of its $270 million spend over the next five years to snoop. They are going to be sifting social media posts for details of how we vapers are “tinkering with e-cigarettes to make the devices deliver extra nicotineâ€.

In British contract and case law there is the term invitatio ad offerendum meaning ‘invitation to treat’. This action by the FDA is just that – it’s an open offer to wind them up with a succession of bizarre and outlandish bogus posts demonstrating how we have adapted our Kayfuns to deliver extra nicotine.

The simple fact that they don’t understand someone could just buy a higher strength cigalike says everything about their comprehension of the subject at hand.

I know, it’s a puerile idea. I understand, a man of my years ought to be seeking pleasure in the arms of a good chair and a pair of slippers – or a shed. The thing is when stupid comes knocking on the door I always open it up, invite it in and mess with its head. Think of it as a hobby. A hobby like attacking my dripper with a durka durka screwdriver to increase the Mohammed jihad nicotine output.

 

Those 377 Department of Homeland Security words in full:

  • Department of Homeland Security (DHS)
  • Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA)
  • Coast Guard (USCG)
  • Customs and Border Protection (CBP)
  • Border Patrol
  • Secret Service (USSS)
  • National Operations Center (NOC)
  • Homeland Defense
  • Immigration Customs Enforcement (ICE)
  • Agent
  • Task Force
  • Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)
  • Fusion Center
  • Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA)
  • Secure Border Initiative (SBI)
  • Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
  • Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms (ATF)
  • U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (CIS)
  • Federal Air Marshal Service (FAMS)
  • Transportation Security Administration (TSA)
  • Air Marshal
  • Federal Aviation Administration (FAA)
  • National Guard
  • Red Cross
  • United Nations (UN)
  • Assassination
  • Attack
  • Domestic security
  • Drill
  • Exercise
  • Cops
  • Law enforcement
  • Authorities
  • Disaster assistance
  • Disaster management
  • DNDO (Domestic Nuclear Detection Office)
  • National preparedness
  • Mitigation
  • Prevention
  • Response
  • Recovery
  • Dirty bomb
  • Domestic nuclear detection
  • Emergency management
  • Emergency response
  • First responder
  • Homeland security
  • Maritime domain awareness (MDA)
  • National preparedness initiative
  • Militia Shooting
  • Shots fired
  • Evacuation
  • Deaths
  • Hostage
  • Explosion (explosive)
  • Police
  • Disaster medical assistance team (DMAT)
  • Organized crime
  • Gangs
  • National security
  • State of emergency
  • Security
  • Breach
  • Threat
  • Standoff
  • SWAT
  • Screening
  • Lockdown
  • Bomb (squad or threat)
  • Crash
  • Looting
  • Riot
  • Emergency
  • Landing
  • Pipe bomb
  • Incident
  • Facility
  • Hazmat
  • Nuclear
  • Chemical spill
  • Suspicious package/device
  • Toxic
  • National laboratory
  • Nuclear facility
  • Nuclear threat
  • Cloud
  • Plume
  • Radiation
  • Radioactive
  • Leak
  • Biological infection (or event)
  • Chemical
  • Chemical burn
  • Biological
  • Epidemic
  • Hazardous
  • Hazardous material incident
  • Industrial spill
  • Infection
  • Powder (white)
  • Gas
  • Spillover
  • Anthrax
  • Blister agent
  • Chemical agent
  • Exposure
  • Burn
  • Nerve agent
  • Ricin
  • Sarin
  • North Korea
  • Outbreak
  • Contamination
  • Exposure
  • Virus
  • Evacuation
  • Bacteria
  • Recall
  • Ebola
  • Food Poisoning
  • Foot and Mouth (FMD)
  • H5N1
  • Avian
  • Flu
  • Salmonella
  • Small Pox
  • Plague
  • Human to human
  • Human to Animal
  • Influenza
  • Center for Disease Control (CDC)
  • Drug Administration (FDA)
  • Public Health
  • Toxic Agro
  • Terror Tuberculosis (TB)
  • Agriculture
  • Listeria
  • Symptoms
  • Mutation
  • Resistant
  • Antiviral
  • Wave
  • Pandemic
  • Infection
  • Water/air borne
  • Sick
  • Swine
  • Pork
  • Strain
  • Quarantine
  • H1N1
  • Vaccine
  • Tamiflu
  • Norvo Virus
  • Epidemic
  • World Health Organization (WHO) (and components)
  • Viral Hemorrhagic Fever
  • E. Coli
  • Infrastructure security
  • Airport
  • CIKR (Critical Infrastructure & Key Resources)
  • AMTRAK
  • Collapse
  • Computer infrastructure
  • Communications infrastructure
  • Telecommunications
  • Critical infrastructure
  • National infrastructure
  • Metro
  • WMATA
  • Airplane (and derivatives)
  • Chemical fire
  • Subway
  • BART
  • MARTA
  • Port Authority
  • NBIC (National Biosurveillance Integration Center)
  • Transportation security
  • Grid
  • Power
  • Smart
  • Body scanner
  • Electric
  • Failure or outage
  • Black out
  • Brown out
  • Port
  • Dock
  • Bridge
  • Cancelled
  • Delays
  • Service disruption
  • Power lines
  • Drug cartel
  • Violence
  • Gang
  • Drug
  • Narcotics
  • Cocaine
  • Marijuana
  • Heroin
  • Border
  • Mexico
  • Cartel
  • Southwest
  • Juarez
  • Sinaloa
  • Tijuana
  • Torreon
  • Yuma
  • Tucson
  • Decapitated
  • U.S. Consulate
  • Consular
  • El Paso
  • Fort Hancock
  • San Diego
  • Ciudad Juarez
  • Nogales
  • Sonora
  • Colombia
  • Mara salvatrucha
  • MS13 or MS-13
  • Drug war
  • Mexican army
  • Methamphetamine
  • Cartel de Golfo
  • Gulf Cartel
  • La Familia
  • Reynosa
  • Nuevo Leon
  • Narcos
  • Narco banners (Spanish equivalents)
  • Los Zetas
  • Shootout
  • Execution
  • Gunfight
  • Trafficking
  • Kidnap
  • Calderon
  • Reyosa
  • Bust
  • Tamaulipas
  • Meth Lab
  • Drug trade
  • Illegal immigrants
  • Smuggling (smugglers)
  • Matamoros
  • Michoacana
  • Guzman
  • Arellano-Felix
  • Beltran-Leyva
  • Barrio Azteca
  • Artistic Assassins
  • Mexicles
  • New Federation
  • Terrorism
  • Al Qaeda (all spellings)
  • Terror
  • Attack
  • Iraq
  • Afghanistan
  • Iran
  • Pakistan
  • Agro
  • Environmental terrorist
  • Eco terrorism
  • Conventional weapon
  • Target
  • Weapons grade
  • Dirty bomb
  • Enriched
  • Nuclear
  • Chemical weapon
  • Biological weapon
  • Ammonium nitrate
  • Improvised explosive device
  • IED (Improvised Explosive Device)
  • Abu Sayyaf
  • Hamas
  • FARC (Armed Revolutionary Forces Colombia)
  • IRA (Irish Republican Army)
  • ETA (Euskadi ta Askatasuna)
  • Basque Separatists
  • Hezbollah
  • Tamil Tigers
  • PLF (Palestine Liberation Front)
  • PLO (Palestine Liberation Organization
  • Car bomb
  • Jihad
  • Taliban
  • Weapons cache
  • Suicide bomber
  • Suicide attack
  • Suspicious substance
  • AQAP (AL Qaeda Arabian Peninsula)
  • AQIM (Al Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb)
  • TTP (Tehrik-i-Taliban Pakistan)
  • Yemen
  • Pirates
  • Extremism
  • Somalia
  • Nigeria
  • Radicals
  • Al-Shabaab
  • Home grown
  • Plot
  • Nationalist
  • Recruitment
  • Fundamentalism
  • Islamist
  • Emergency
  • Hurricane
  • Tornado
  • Twister
  • Tsunami
  • Earthquake
  • Tremor
  • Flood
  • Storm
  • Crest
  • Temblor
  • Extreme weather
  • Forest fire
  • Brush fire
  • Ice
  • Stranded/Stuck
  • Help
  • Hail
  • Wildfire
  • Tsunami Warning Center
  • Magnitude
  • Avalanche
  • Typhoon
  • Shelter-in-place
  • Disaster
  • Snow
  • Blizzard
  • Sleet
  • Mud slide or Mudslide
  • Erosion
  • Power outage
  • Brown out
  • Warning
  • Watch
  • Lightening
  • Aid
  • Relief
  • Closure
  • Interstate
  • Burst
  • Emergency Broadcast System
  • Cyber security
  • Botnet
  • DDOS (dedicated denial of service)
  • Denial of service
  • Malware
  • Virus
  • Trojan
  • Keylogger
  • Cyber Command
  • 2600
  • Spammer
  • Phishing
  • Rootkit
  • Phreaking
  • Cain and abel
  • Brute forcing
  • Mysql injection
  • Cyber attack
  • Cyber terror
  • Hacker
  • China
  • Conficker
  • Worm
  • Scammers
  • Social media

On when the one you love says “Goodbye”


There were all the times when I looked for comfort and fulfilment only to find the store was empty and I’d have to wait. The paranoid side of me would set to work: who else had been here? How come I’m being spurned?

I can still remember the burning pain of realisation as if it was only yesterday. This is because of because of two things: I’ve got a decent memory for stuff like this and, secondly, it was only yesterday. Yep, this is an unrequited love song filled with still fresh in the mouth misdirected rawness and anger.

Was it something I’d not done? Had I not been there when it mattered?

I’d taken you everywhere with me, through good times and bad we’ve been inseparable since we met. Now there’s nothing left except your scent.

For sure, I’d played the field in days gone by…gather ye rosebuds and all that. We all go through that experimental phase to see what matches us as people, our tastes, our needs. But in the end I found the one that would see me through until everything was over and buried. Nothing else compared to you, as Sinead O’Connor sang; the contentment I felt, the fulfilment – I know I’m still going through the denial phase but I can’t see me ever having anything like this in my life again.

Why House of Liquid? Why?! A Dear Dave note? Noooooo…

In a world of coffee vapes there has only ever been Brasileiro for me. The sweet ones can take a running jump, the expressos taste like vaping raw petroleum by-products. Brasileiro was everything I ever wanted in a coffee vape and it’s all I want now. Oh no, I think the realisation phase is kicking in, I feeling morose and tearful.

“It’s only an eliquid, Dave, it’s only an eliquid. There’s plenty more bottles of juice in the sea of mixed metaphors.â€

I’m a man who likes to have an atty for every mod and a juice just for that atty. What the flipping blazes am I to do now with the Versa? I don’t have a juice for it. I’m thinking I’ll just place it to a side and mournfully suck on its battery-less corpse, breathing the ebbing sense of flavour until it will become a homeopathic tool with nothing more than memories of the juice.

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If you would like to contribute to MawsleyAid then please send your donations of full or empty Brasileiro bottles to: “The saddest man in Mawsley, Mawsley, Mawsleyshire.â€

Thank you for listening to me, it helps. :’(