Monthly Archives: December 2017

Ultigadj


“21st century sex machines,†sang Sigue Sigue Sputnik. “I’m a space cowboy, I’m a 21st century whoopee boy. I love technolosy! I love technolosy!†Welcome The Stealthvape Ultigadjâ„¢, true 21st century technolosy.

Are you a gamer? What a stupid question that is. In surveys carried out by someone it probably says that everybody currently alive is a gamer (except for Jeremy Corbyn, Nookie Bear and Peppa Pig). We all love to game.

It’s like someone asking you if you are a vaper. “Am I a vaper? Do I vape, brah? Hella yes I vape! I am so vape,†the imaginary reply probably goes, because all vapers talk like that. Possibly. At least if you watch YouTube they do. Some of them anyway.

It’s like someone asking you if you fidget. It’s like someone asking you if you spin. Do you do the fidget spin thing? Absolutely, totally, the entire contents of the Milky Way fidget spins and we all do it far better than that second-rate Andromeda Galaxy.

There’s no question about it – you need to get The Stealthvape Ultigadj™. Whatever else is going through your head right now, questions aren’t them. So just don’t ask us about battery life because that’s a question. Anyway, what do you think the spinner does? Yes, that is a question but we never said we weren’t allowed to ask them. It powers the charging system so you never need go near that drawer where your partner keeps all the old batteries, searching in desperation for one without fur and a modicum of charge.

All the hip people think they’re cool. Look at their beards and lopsided haircuts. Then look at the men, they’re worse. They don’t know cool, apart from the fresh breeze as they sit at the summit of Dunning–Kruger’s Mount Stupid. If they were cool they’d all be vaping on The Stealthvape Ultigadj™.

You want more watts? Spin it faster, baby.

Who here among us hasn’t played Fallout 4 and immediately regretted entering a lift? As the loading screen sits in front of you for another 23 minutes you’ve utterly run out of things to do. It was fine at the beginning, you could surf the net for walkthrough tips. Not now. Not now you have The Stealthvape Ultigadj™ and game play is seamlessly integrated into vaping AND fidget spinning. With The Stealthvape Ultigadj™ you’ll be hunting out the worst games with the longest loading screens.

Plus, with an eye to the future, we thought about making The Stealthvape Ultigadj™ upgradable with new technology. So we though about 3d virtual integration – from this summer, all units will be made in 3d and we can guarantee that it virtually integrates with all games consoles.

Think The Stealthvape Ultigadjâ„¢ – Think 21st century technolosy – Think The Stealthvape Ultigadjâ„¢