Monthly Archives: October 2014

Juicy Words


I was struck primarily by the reviewer’s wonderful command of language. And then wondered if the person selecting the quote had the first clue what the word “unctuous†meant.

It’s a glorious word and, as a noun, would happily grace Moss’ board during “Street Countdownâ€. The sound of it implies juice vaping nirvana while the hidden meaning paints the liquid as a false pretender; all bottle no cap.

Unctuous food is a desirable thing, my dogs will fight over an unctuous bone but unctuous people are odious – I’d insert a list of job types here but you can make your own up. Suffice to say that I believe Michael Gove to be one of the most unctuous individuals on the planet.

I’m not saying that I believe this vape is greasy or smug (I’ve never tried a bottle of it), just that the choice of words can be so important. It put me in mind of the plethora of new bottles springing up left, right and centre. It made me think that fumbling around for an original angle must be pretty tricky these days – how do you explain that your orange or coffee vape is in any way different to the hordes of similar products flooding onto the market? And, by logical extension, how on Earth can you differentiate the metal tube or atomising chamber you might like to produce?

Something that was very popular twelve months ago were the claims made regarding how “hard†a mod hit and references to voltage drops. Vapers grabbed the words and used them with a vengeance for a while. Fortunately this appears to have waned. Numbers have taken over: 20 became 30, which in turn ramped up to triple digits. As someone who has never gone over 15 I can’t see me buying a “Life begins at 50W†t-shirt.

Given, some brands for juice, mods and atomisers hold a well-deserved reputation for product quality. For them there’s no scrambling around to announce that the new line includes adamantium-coated packaging or is manufactured in an atmosphere rich in expensive perfume. They have no need for florid descriptions; the products sell themselves on merit alone.

For the rest, fighting over the middle ground as reputations are built or squandered, it appears to involve reinventing wheels and over-complicating (what should otherwise be) simple designs. Well, that and adding the label “Competition†as if that meant anything other than “we’ll sue you if you dare criticise our tube or we’ve had a drink or something…but anyway we’re going to sue yo ass†and then withdrawing it from sale. The word is now tainted by that episode, everyone using it since has drawn sneers and giggles by the container-load. Words are so important.

I’ve just watched a review for an atomiser that is similar in purpose to the Kayfun – and yet in order to differentiate itself it possesses a relatively complicated wicking process. After two years and countless atomisers I know that the difference in vape quality will be minimal and so I need persuading to get it. I need a compelling visual appeal or a winning collection of sentences. I want someone to paint me a picture of how wonderful my life will become if I add that device to the collection on the desk. I want someone to tell me it’s unctuous.

Or something.

So, if anyone is currently developing a new line and needs inspiration then try this out: “It’s a real loblolly of a liquid, a finer slubberdegullion of a atomiser you won’t find anywhere else online. Buy our mod or forever be thought of as a pilgarlic.â€

Have a great weekend, enjoy your vape.

*No Getty images were harmed during the making of this blog post.

It’s The End Of The World As We Know It


You get to wear a hat and wave around an axe without fear of someone calling the police. As another plus, Paul Gascoigne would bring you beer and chicken in a bucket. You don’t have to tie yourself down to a single God either. I like the idea that you could hedge your religious bets. I’d go for one of the sexier ones. If I were going to spend eternity with a god then I’d want it to look more like Demi than Alan Moore.

In fact, the only downside to being a Viking would be the Age of Ragnarok…but then that was supposed to happen on the 22nd February according to the IB Times. A world on fire would really interfere with my vaping pleasure – even if it meant I wouldn’t have to faff about preheating my Kanthal.

Luckily for me I didn’t send all my money to Harold Camping both times he predicted The Rapture in 2011. His multiple predictions of an imminent dire future had an advertising campaign and everything. I’d never have been able to buy my Origen V2 dripper had he got my cash because he doesn’t seem all that inclined to return any of it. But then why did he want the money if The Rapture was coming anyway?

So, the world is safe, there’s no asteroid hitting the Earth this week and Hellfire is restricted to those few able to afford one. Well, it all kind of depends on whom you place your trust in.

There was a passing moment when I thought about stockpiling nic and concentrates given the impending EU legislation. I thought about it and then reckoned it would be stupid. Why waste time hoarding juice stocks when the four horsemen are close to trotting into Northamptonshire? It must be true because Sarah Palin said so. In 2008 she laid claim to be of “the final generation” and that she’d see the End Times in her lifetime.

It’s when you hear stuff like that you really wonder whether it’s worth bothering to walk the dogs or cut down on bacon. If she was a bit more precise with a day then at least I’d know whether or not to order some more silica.

I guess it’s the constant barrage of doom from one corner or another that has just got me to the point of giving up with all of it. Take the Llanelli Star this week: “E-cigarette ban would be ‘suicidal’ for industry, says business”. Surely I can’t be the only person getting bored with the constant cycle of people being afraid of ecigarettes while other people let rip with hyperbole?

But then maybe this is it.

Maybe this is how Ragnarok starts? Maybe Palin is correct? Maybe this entropic spiral into daytime TV show mentality and shock headlines is just the beginning of the end. I tell you what though, if it happens before Vapefest I’m going to be more than a bit miffed.

 

It’s The End Of The World As We Know It



You get to wear a hat and wave around an axe without fear of someone calling the police. As another plus, Paul Gascoigne would bring you beer and chicken in a bucket. You don’t have to tie yourself down to a single God either. I like the idea that you could hedge your religious bets. I’d go for one of the sexier ones. If I were going to spend eternity with a god then I’d want it to look more like Demi than Alan Moore.

In fact, the only downside to being a Viking would be the Age of Ragnarok…but then that was supposed to happen on the 22nd February according to the IB Times. A world on fire would really interfere with my vaping pleasure – even if it meant I wouldn’t have to faff about preheating my Kanthal.

Luckily for me I didn’t send all my money to Harold Camping both times he predicted The Rapture in 2011. His multiple predictions of an imminent dire future had an advertising campaign and everything. I’d never have been able to buy my Origen V2 dripper had he got my cash because he doesn’t seem all that inclined to return any of it. But then why did he want the money if The Rapture was coming anyway?

So, the world is safe, there’s no asteroid hitting the Earth this week and Hellfire is restricted to those few able to afford one. Well, it all kind of depends on whom you place your trust in.

There was a passing moment when I thought about stockpiling nic and concentrates given the impending EU legislation. I thought about it and then reckoned it would be stupid. Why waste time hoarding juice stocks when the four horsemen are close to trotting into Northamptonshire? It must be true because Sarah Palin said so. In 2008 she laid claim to be of “the final generation” and that she’d see the End Times in her lifetime.

It’s when you hear stuff like that you really wonder whether it’s worth bothering to walk the dogs or cut down on bacon. If she was a bit more precise with a day then at least I’d know whether or not to order some more silica.

I guess it’s the constant barrage of doom from one corner or another that has just got me to the point of giving up with all of it. Take the Llanelli Star this week: “E-cigarette ban would be ‘suicidal’ for industry, says business”. Surely I can’t be the only person getting bored with the constant cycle of people being afraid of ecigarettes while other people let rip with hyperbole?

But then maybe this is it.

Maybe this is how Ragnarok starts? Maybe Palin is correct? Maybe this entropic spiral into daytime TV show mentality and shock headlines is just the beginning of the end. I tell you what though, if it happens before Vapefest I’m going to be more than a bit miffed.