In a throwback to the controlling standards of the 1930s, busybodies are very concerned about how and where you vape. OK, the cynics out there would say that this is nothing more than a marketing exercise by Vype eCigarettes, but the newspapers have had a field day.

Vype, in conjunction with Debrett’s have decided that it’s time to tell us all what we should be doing. So, like the deferential serfs we are, it’s probably best if we familiarized ourselves with their codes of conduct.

Decisions about where or where not to vape, and where to allow vaping, are largely discretionary, and civilised vaping is dependent on good manners, from vapers and non-vapers alike. However, there is some confusion about vaping best practice. In the same survey, 57 per cent of respondents said that they were baffled by the social rules of vaping, and nearly half agreed that it is unclear where you can and cannot vape.”

Yes, almost two thirds of us are baffled by the social rules of vaping. Stop sniggering at the back.

Almost half of the survey respondents considered vaping in a confined space such as a lift or waiting room to be the most serious breach of etiquette a vaper could commit.”

Oh good, so that time our friend Johnny 2Vapes was toking away on a nice custard while performing open-heart surgery is OK. And Glenda the Undertaker, her cloud chasing while taking the body to the mortuary was fine as well. I’m glad we cleared those up.

Vaping in a restaurant was considered the second worst vaping faux pas.”

Hear that Darren? Your wife was totally wrong. It was fine for you to be recoiling and filling up while carrying out your husbandly bedroom duties. It would only be what she said if you’d been doing it in Frankie & Benny’s.

“[Travel] policies can be frustrating for vapers, especially on long journeys, but travelling can be a stressful experience generally, with delays, overcrowding and traffic jams all putting a strain on good manners. For your own benefit as much as for those around you, accept any restrictions with as much good humour as possible.  You can always take advantage of designated smoking areas.”

Oh that’s wonderful and dandy, thank you Debrett’s. Thank you for wanting to shove us all back into a designated smoking area. Has anybody told you where to stick your hang on, I need to find my good humour.

It is of course possible to vape discreetly, with minimal exhalation of vapour. But nobody wants to be ‘outed’ in a non-vaping zone, and stealth vaping was considered a faux pas by our survey respondents. It’s best to wait until you’re somewhere where it’s acceptable to vape so that you can do so openly.”

OK, sorry Debrett’s, but my good manners vanished when you begin attacking the stealth vape. You and Vype can go stick your fauxs in your pases. Do you pay heed to this kind of stuff? Are there vaping boundaries you think it is really wrong to cross?

Their full guide can be found here.