Welcome to the latest in a series of instructive articles aimed at making vaping safer. It’s dangerous this vaping lark, all the newspapers say so, so we are delighted to do anything we can in order to help. Only a stupid person would ignore the risk - don’t ignore the risk.
Provides two stages of protection. Firstly, it minimises the impact of your own stupidity on yourself – and then it protects you from the stupidity of others. The power supply is isolated from atomiser leaks and placed into a lead-lined unit located on one of your more disposable limbs. The chance of the unit going full thermal runaway is nil thanks to the control panel and the suit’s internal retarding system (*although there is the slight chance suffocation may occur).
Plus, if you are one of those vapers who likes going to vape events but you worry about other’s inability to know the difference between volts and amps, the suit has full Milspec explosion protection. Johnny Puffalot’s mod becomes an impromptu pipe bomb at Vapefest? Stand and laugh in your SV Vape Suit while shards of hot mod shrapnel rip through the air.
Only Stealthvape can now offer you a triple lock of protection for your lithium-ion storage solutions. Step one: don’t inhale or ingest your batteries, but place them into a little plastic box and post them to Stealthvape. Step two: each plastic box is safely tucked away inside a lead box, which is then padlocked. Step three: the lead boxes and immersed into concrete inside barrels and buried at a secret location only we know about.
Some narrow-minded people have voiced their concerns that once Stealthvape takes over the safe handling of their batteries they’ll no longer be able to use them for vaping. To them, we say: “think ‘safety’.”
Maybe you have a friend who would like to quit smoking but isn’t the kind of person you’d trust with a pair of scissors? You’d like to give them a starter kit, yet fear for those they live with. This is the kind of soul we designed our Stealthvape Dummy Batteries for – made of 100% rubber, you can relax that the only risk they run is having to present themselves at Casualty (claiming they accidentally fell on one while cleaning the house in the nude).
We also plan to release a series of sealed atomisers. Each atty comes with a different coloured liquid, but no heating coil or wick. We see this product as the equivalent of fake glasses – it will make the owner look cool without presenting any safety problems.
Measures being adopted and offered up by us do not end the problem of vaping safety; it calls for governmental action too. We are demanding that the new government immediately adopts our suggestions that all vape stores are placed on floating pontoons, surrounded by sea mines, one mile out in the English Channel.
Only one company cares enough about you to produce solutions like these. It’s a safer future with Stealthvape.