Recently, we have come up with a political party to end all election woes, how violence is the answer to all our problems, how to make vaping sexy, invented the incredible vape booth, created the best vape accessory in the world, and then created an even better best vape accessory in the world.
The thing is we all work without our constraints, and it can be hard to break out of a way of thinking. To our minds vaping is all about breathing in vape. We were so stupid â€“ why didnâ€™t we turn it on its head like whatâ€™s happened in France?
â€œThis design studio is bringing French sophistication to alternatives to tobacco,â€ says the voiceover. What? French sophistication? Did they not see the Stealthvape Ultigadj? Odds on this is going to have something to do with cheese that isnâ€™t Cheddar or one of their fancy wines.
â€œThe stylish brass pipeâ€¦â€
Ah, you might have to stop there for a moment, Ms Journalist. Stylish brass pipes? Surely not even this claimed French sophistication could make a brass pipe stylish?
â€œThe stylish brass pipe is designed to look like a twig.â€
Err, right. Now just stop. We are the masters and mistresses of British invention, thereâ€™s not a thought we could not think if we really put our collective minds to it â€“ but the words â€œstylishâ€ and â€œsophisticationâ€ are probably a couple of the last ones that would pop up in relation to the word â€œtwigâ€. In fact, the very last use for a twig by these hands was for flicking some dog excrement from the path into a hedge. So, if there was a life or death scenario where one had to quickly come up with a word associated to â€˜twigâ€™, itâ€™s likely to be a four-letter one, ending in â€œ*hitâ€.
â€œIt holds a drop of essential oilâ€¦â€
Well that sounds a bit dodgy.
â€œIt holds a drop of essential oil and users blow through its mouthpiece.â€
Sorry, they blow? The death of vaping is going to be brought about by a twig you blow into? Weâ€™re totally lost now.
Stephanie, Le Twigâ€™s designer, explained in a video interview to Reuters that the device helps people â€œreach the end of their breath.â€ Honestly, we werenâ€™t aware that stopping breathing out was ever a problem â€“ just goes to show what we know. In fact, we are starting to doubt that our Vapeshed was ever a good idea in the first place, what with this new way of looking at the world coming to light.
â€œI talked to some doctor friends,â€ she said. She didnâ€™t say if these were friends from childhood or the kind of ones you make on holiday. One week together at Hotel PrettyFlores and youâ€™ve swapped email addresses, hoping theyâ€™ll never write.
â€œWhat is it honey?â€
â€œItâ€™s that bloody Stephanie woman, darling, the one we had to suffer on the city-break.â€
â€œWhat does she want?â€
â€œSomething about smoking replacements, God sheâ€™s insufferable.â€
â€œWell, just tell her we were really so worried about tobacco that we have put another product (vaping) on the market, in a huge way, to replace it.â€
â€œI did, now sheâ€™s asking about vaping. Doesnâ€™t this idiot know anything?â€
â€œTell her we havenâ€™t tested vaping things? For a laugh, tell her we donâ€™t know what the effects are.â€
Yes, thatâ€™s how the conversation probably went. Anyway, we are going to be busy this week, weâ€™re inventing something to blow through thatâ€™s inspired by the hollow piece of liquorice in old Sherbet Fountains.