Boom boom boom boom goes the music. The camera scans back from the doorway to the Vicarage. Who’s this coming into view? Why it’s the alcoholic who knocked on our door at four in the morning asking for food and money. And what’s he doing? He’s dancing that’s what. He’s dancing because he’s discovered how awesome Stealthvape’s Vape Insurance is.
That’s just the beginning of the advert. Shortly after that the sky is lit up by the laser engraving machine spelling out, in clear detail, what a brilliant idea it would be to hand over a large sum of money to protect everything on your vape desk should disaster strike.
And disasters strike.
We’ve looked at the best practice from across the insurance world and believe we’ve identified the key features to make Stealthvape’s Vape Insurance Enterprise the world’s leading insurance company for vapers.
A great advert. Some people might have thought fiscal probity might be the first on the list, but do those people have the world’s first insurance company for vapers? No, no they do not. A great advert has something that will annoy or offend absolutely everyone. Dancing is one of those things. And then we’ll also be using a voiceover from an out-of-date comedian who can’t find work elsewhere – he’ll be doing comedy regional accents. Some people will be annoyed by his take on their voice, others will be upset he didn’t do their nondescript part of the United Kingdom.
Next up comes a really great name change. Just as you are used to our name, just as you remember what Stealthvape’s Vape Insurance Enterprise does everything changes. What is the name of our insurance branch? What? “Stealthvape’s Vape Insurance Enterprise”? Wrong. It became SVI four lines ago. By the end of the article it will have changed again.
Logos are great and everything, but everybody knows a twelve year old with a pack of Crayolas can do the same work that so-called experts charge loads of money for. So we’ve employed a six year old, they’re half the price of their older counterparts and understand nothing about employment law.
So, to the dirty business of insurance.
You might have questions about what we are going to cover, how claims will be made and when you can look forward to your cheque…but let’s be honest, that’s not what insurance is about at all. You are going to send us an unreasonable amount of cash in exchange for the illusion that you have some kind of cover, the fun of filling in forms and then the excitement of hearing your name mentioned during an episode of BBC’s Watchdog. We aren’t bringing you a safety blanket, we’re offering you a spicy edge to life. Awesome? It’s the kind of thing you’ve come to expect from StealthIns Co.