**Disclaimer, the following information is pieced together from the limited information we have been told by Evolv, along with a good helping of internet rumour. There may be inaccuracies, mistakes or complete fabrications**
Last week we highlighted a problem, but it isn’t fair to leave it hanging. Vape crime is serious and needs a serious solution. Stealthvape doesn’t have a solution, we have loads of them – and not one includes actually killing somebody. This may disappoint some of you, we suggest you make additional plans for that kind of thing and not involve us.
There are crimes even greater than wearing socks with sandals or leaving your tray of rubbish on the McDonalds table. Vaping is front and centre in the following tales of assault and murder. As Shaw Taylor used to say: “Keep ‘em peeled!”
Advancements in the technology drove simple vaping into spawning offshoots, matched preferred styles to dedicated devices. Hole size and location, coil type and wicks, power variations and its delivery all created vaping niches – none of which is more spectacular than the vaping tricks scene that spawned from simple cloud competitions.
A sigh punctuated what had become an increasingly uncomfortable silence. This kind of thing was meant to be easy, and the two men sitting on either side of the table were masters at their game – but they were running out of ideas. That scared them if the clicking of biros and beads of sweat were anything to go by.
Vapers have been ignored and unappreciated for far too long. Some companies have made valiant efforts to accommodate those ecig users with miles more money than sense – but, quite frankly, the discerning high end has been underserved. We have partnered a major organisation in an effort to correct this.
We need to ban vaping. No, you don’t need a herring aid. We’ve contemplated life if it carries on under the Tobacco Products Directive – and fins are serious. We’ve not been at the sauce, we aren’t pickled. Kipper lid on it for the moment, but we reckon we’ve sean … err, sea’n … no, this isn’t working, the pun machine is broke
Before Tom Hanks saved the lives of airline passengers, by masterfully guiding the stricken aircraft into water, he ran Disney. He’s been a cowboy, solved daft puzzles in Paris and collected special winter train tickets. Normal people don’t get to do this much stuff, but that’s because they’ve not been alive since World War II, (where Tom saved Matt Damon so he could go on to become the worst Batman ever). Thanks for that last one, Tom. Thanks a lot.
We did it people, it’s official – we made vaping sexy. Those with little else to do and extraordinary memories will recall that we demanded everybody make a special effort. Well you did, even if you didn’t know it. You, Auntie Gladys, Barry Onions from the bookies, you all did it. You sexy beasts, you.
