Author Archives: Rob Ellard

Source V3 M10 510 Connector

[web_stories_embed url=”https://www.stealthvape.co.uk/web-stories/source-v3-m10-510-connector/” title=”Source V3 M10 510 Connector” poster=”https://www.stealthvape.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/two-510s.568.jpg” width=”360″ height=”600″ align=”center”]

The SV Source V3 M10 510 Connection

Source V3 M10 510 connectors are available with two positive soldering options:

  1. Standard OG: Vertical solder directly into the centre pin.
  2.  vFLAT : Horizontal solder to our innovative pre- tinned terminal.

Featuring PEI insulation and a custom powerful Wave Spring, this is the best UK 510 out there!

For more info check out the story above!

SV SOURCE V3 510

Christmas & New Year Holiday Schedule

Christmas and New Year's shipping schedule at Stealthvape

Christmas and New Year's Shipping Schedule

Mail networks and Coronavirus

Globally, mail providers are struggling to keep up with the increased seasonal volumes in an already fragile and overworked mail system. Extended delivery times are guaranteed. Please use either Special Delivery or DHL for orders you need to arrive quickly.

More information about this issue can be read HERE

It’s That Time of Year Again Folks!

The Holiday Season is upon us and we at Stealth HQ are excited!

It’s been a bit of a weird one has 2020, and we’d like to let you know just how much we’ve appreciated your support throughout these most vexing of times.

Let us look forward to good times ahead, and make the next few weeks all cheery and nice. If you’re thinking of showing your dear ones how much you love them by giving them the gift of mod parts, below are the shipping dates you need to know in order for them to get their goodies on time.

christmas post

Royal Mail’s collection schedule is as follows:

Monday 21st Dec – Normal Service

Tuesday 22nd Dec – Normal Service till 3PM

***23rd – 28th NO SERVICE***

Tuesday 29th Dec – Normal Service

Wednesday 30th Dec – Normal Service

***31st Dec – 3rd Jan NO SERVICE***

Monday 4th Jan – FULL SERVICE RESUMES

Have a Happy Holiday Stealthfans!

We hope you all have a fabulous time over the next few weeks. We’ll be sure to keep you up to date with news and developments as they happen. Keep your eyes on our socials, and an eye on your chimeys.

Santa may very well be bringing some stuff from Evolv!

christmas stealthvape

Evolv Reflex & EScribe SP24 Update

Evolv EScribe SP24 with Reflex Support

Evolv have released EScribe SP24 with updated functionality to support Reflex devices and likely includes any available minor firmware updates for their other board products.

First time users should be aware this is an update package, so if installing for the first time you should install SP17 HERE then upgrade to SP24

Reflex by Evolv is an e-cigarette specifically developed for smokers to closely simulate the smoking experience. It uses data models of conventional cigarettes, along with tightly controlled temperature control and air pressure monitoring to react and work “just like a cigarette”

At this time Reflex are only available for USA customers directly from Evolv’s website

A worldwide release is intended, expect an update when we know more.

Evolv Reflex with 10ml eliquid bottle for scale
Evolv Reflex
Evolv Reflex pod up close

One notable feature for Reflex devices in EScribe is the ability to add eliquid strength in mg in device monitor. This will then accurately track your nicotine usage per puff.

Here at Stealthvape HQ we’re pretty excited to see new developments as we’re sure you all are. It’s been a dreary post apocalyptic wasteland of samey but slightly different for a while (years) so it’s refreshing to see something as innovative as the technology and design behind Reflex.

We think that some time back, back to the early days when eGo devices were a new thing what we used to call ecigarettes branched into vaping and ecigarettes.

Vaping as we knew it became a fascinating cloudy sub culture, full of design innovation, sub  types, flavours, shiny things, hand checks. Growing into it’s own thing.

Ecigarettes, as we knew them in the dark ages were solely focussed on one prime directive. Quitting or cutting down smoking. And that side of the technology stalled, put on pause patiently waiting for Evolv to step in and continue saving smokers.

Vaping is a sport, smoking cessation is for life, literally.

Consider the cigarette solved

You can directly download Escribe SP24 HERE or from the EScribe section on the Evolv website

We’re Temporarily Halting Monday’s Shipments

Royal Mail Roulette

Tuesdays are the new mondays

During lockdown, we’ve noticed an alarming increase in delays with items shipped by Royal Mail on Mondays. This is caused by two factors.

  1. Many Royal Mail workers are either off sick or off work caring for their children or dependent family members.
  2. The volume of items in Royal Mail’s network is currently exceeding Christmas levels.

Between these two issues Royal Mail is struggling to keep up and it seems to be the case that Monday’s post (which is a combination of Friday’s, Saturday’s, Sunday’s and also Monday’s orders) is the most likely to be delayed. Up to a week or more in some cases.

Mail shipped on any other day of the week is being affected to a much lesser degree.

So why and how does that work?

Well, Royal Mail aim for every day’s mail to be delivered within a reasonable time frame. 

If this was a restaurant, you’d expect each customer to be served in the order that they actually ordered their food.

But this isn’t the case with mail logistics.

So if Monday’s volume is huge and there’s a backlog, then Monday’s post is assigned to a different team to process. Usually during the Christmas period that would be a team of temp workers that would catch up with the delayed day’s post. This allows Tuesday’s and subsequent day’ to be processed as per usual.

If Royal Mail were to process the delayed Monday’s post, then move on to Tuesdays, then Tuesday’s post would also be delayed. The delay then snowballs out of control.

It’s a combination of Royal Mail’s efforts to ensure that one day’s problem doesn’t affect other day’s scheduling, but also a way to make their delivery statistics look great and thus keep their shareholders happy.

Vape reviewer, cultish personality and all-round legendary bell end Mark Roberts (aka TVP. The Artiste Formerly Known As The Vaping Postman) told us the situation is “horrendous mate, three times worse than the worst Xmas I’ve ever seen in twelve years. Can’t even fit all of York’s parcels in the office some days. It’s carnage”.  For more of Mark’s remarkably sagacious insights, check out his Youtube channel here.

 

TVP vape reviews

We have a solution

Starting Monday the 11th of May, we are no longer going to ship on Mondays and instead will hand the weekend’s mail over to Royal Mail on Tuesday. In the event of a Bank Holiday Monday, we will hand over to RM on the following Wednesday.

Thanks to the Jedi mind trick of Royal Mail’s way of dealing with delayed post on high volume days, this means that shipments we send on a Tuesday will almost certainly  be guaranteed to arrive more quickly than had we shipped on Monday.

This will also help take the strain off the mail network in general

The exception to this rule is that customers that choose Royal Mail Special Delivery will have their orders shipped on Monday as usual. 

DHL shipments will also continue to be processed as usual

What to do if you have a delayed shipment?

  1. Hang tight. Have confidence that items aren’t lost at the moment, they’re just subjected to delay, and in some cases quite long and significant delays.
  2. Check your tracking number.  Even non-tracked items shipped within the UK have a 2d barcode which is scanned upon delivery. This will give you an indication as to wether it’s still passing through the system.  You can find your 2d code either by checking your dispatch email or by going to your account and checking the order details.
  3. Keep an eye on Royal Mail Service Announcements. Check regularly to understand further why there may be a delay in receiving your goods. RM posts their updates here. For our article on Saturday deliveries, check out this post.
Slow mail bro?

What can I do?

Consider ordering by Special Delivery for important or time sensitive orders.  For larger orders DHL can also be an excellent choice.

But more than anything, please be patient in the understanding that our Royal Mail is being pushed to it’s limits at the moment. But this situation, like Covid-19, certainly won’t last forever.

A thanks to our postal workers

We’d like to share our gratitude to all delivery agents for their hard work. No PPE, extra volume, colleagues off sick,  but they’re still out there putting themselves at risk making sure the mail network is as efficient as can be. We wholeheartedly applaud their efforts.

Royal Mail banner

New Vape Wire Branding

New Stealthvape 316l, kanthal, ni80, nichrome80, nife wire reel spool branding

Updated branding for vape wire reels rolling out now!

Starting in May…

We’ve been using new labels and branding on our 70mm vaping wire reels as we spool them.

As for 50mm reels we’re going to use up the last of our stock and move over to using 70mm exclusively for all vape wire types and lengths.

 

Stealthvape wire reel branding

Thermal Overprint

We’re printing our new labels with a pair of industrial Honeywell Datamax M-Class 4206 Mk II thermal transfer printers. The label stock we use is CMYK pre printed labels that are custom made for us by a leading commercial printers. 

50mm labels for the smaller reels we’re gradually phasing out will continue to be printed on a Primera LX900.

These changes allow us to have a more consistent branding and label quality across all of our vaping wire products. The new process also offers us a more environmentally sound solution to our labelling requirements.

Batch monitoring

Printing labels on demand also allows us to print batch information onto vape wire reels and clapton wire shots labels. This allows us in the highly unlikely event of a quality control issue to quickly identify the product in question, and to take swift action to rectify any identified issues.

Wire shots have a batch ID, and reels have a 2d barcode. These indicate batch number, manufacturer, date of production and even the person who spooled that particular reel. At Stealthvape we value transparency and accountability. These changes empower our buyers.

Check out our range of vape wire

Providing the vape community with vape wire since 2011, our reputation is second to none. We have a massive selection of the cleanest, expertly spooled resistance and coiling wire right here. Choose from our nichrome 80, kanthal a1 or stainless steel 316 for power mode vaping. Or perhaps try our ni200, NiFe 30 or 316l for temperature control. Check out our awesome Brochrome ni80 flat wire for rowdy mech builds, or try our SVS Wire Shots for flavoursome pre-made clapton and complex coil builds.

Stealthvape is bound to have the best vape wire for your build. 

So why settle for less than the best?

“Stealthvape: the best vape wire since 2011”

5 EASY WAYS TO CLEAN A SQUONK BOTTLE

Sometimes (like when wanting to switch flavours in your squonker) you may find that there can be a lingering trace of the previous liquid tainting your vape. Occasionally you may notice a slight  funky or “off” taste, perhaps ruining for you entirely that bottle of premium high end (and expensive!) eliquid you’ve saved yourself  for a “treat”. This is something that drives me completely bananas, and I genuinely have rage quit squonking more than twice, reaching out for an RTA or Dripper instead.
Why is this? Am I just  manky? Well, yes, but that’s not wholly and entirely to blame. You see, there’s loads of reasons why your vape just isn’t right, ranging from old liquid and bacteria trapped in your 510 and squonk tube, to “suck back” (oo-er) of microscopic cotton fibres down into your bottle. The list is as long as your arm. More often than not though, and through no fault of our own, e liquid can just make your bottles smell. Usually rather quite a lot like the e-liquid inside. And no matter how many quick rinses under the tap you give them, sometimes it seems like it’s never, ever going away. Shout out to Red Astaire and Heisenberg right here.
DON’T PANIC !!
A rage quit and squonk flounce really isn’t needed. Just try these simple methods below. Whilst none are 100% guaranteed (some liquids just never go away) each will give you the best chance of extending the lifespan of your bottles, and will hopefully save you money and  much gnashing of teeth on the way.
OPERATION: CLEAN SQUONK
1: Washing Up Liquid and Warm Water
Yes. It’s obvious. But you’d be surprised how many people just don’t seem to bother. A good washing up session every three days is the first line of defence in keeping those whiffs at bay. Whilst our Goldilocks squonk bottles are made to FDA and LFGB Certification standards (and therefore leeching is not a concern), we recommend giving your bottles a thorough scrub every three days (perhaps with a small bottle brush) in washing up liquid and warm water, then a damn good rinsing under the tap. Allow to air dry in a well ventilated area, and your bottles will be staying fresher for longer than if you didn’t. Fact.
2: White Vinegar
The next level up in the stench removing scale is that staple of cleaning everybody should have, the magical stuff known to the experts as ” White Vinegar”. This stuff is great for cleaning all sorts, and squonk bottles is definitely no exception. Simply fill your bottle (or a container if you’re doing several) ¾ full with the vinegar, and top off with warm to hot water. Leave to soak or stand overnight, then rinse and wash as above. Most often this will be enough to bring your squonk or squonk refill bottle back to their initial fresh tasting glory and delight.
3: Bicarbonate/ Baking Soda
Again using something you may already have in your household, this method can be relatively easy and quick to deploy. Simply mix a solution of baking/ bicarbonate of soda (2-3 teaspoons per cup) with warm water, fill or soak your bottles overnight. Again, unless you like the taste of bicarb, wash, rinse and air dry until all’s good. This one is particularly handy if you don’t have any of the last two method ingredients to hand.
4: Vodka/ Isopropyl Alcohol
Alcohols, in purer forms, are  well established disinfecting agents, with Isopropyl (especially when mixed to 70/30 % with distilled water) being a particularly effective cleaning and disinfectant solution (p8-13; https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/PDF/rr/rr5116.pdf).
 If you don’t have any Isopropyl to hand, then cheap vodka will suffice, with both being capable of shifting stubborn odours. Simply wash, rinse and then fill or soak your squonk bottles with your alcohol of choice (don’t whatever you do drink the Isopropyl) and leave it to work wonders overnight. Then wash, rinse and dry as above. Simple.
5:Baby Bottle / Denture Sterilising Liquids and Tablets
An excellent way to disinfect and clean your squonk tubes and bottles, but be sure to wash and rinse thoroughly at the end. Simply fill a container with the requisite amount of tablets/ liquid  (according to manufacturer’s instructions) and let your squonk items soak in it for as long as the labels instruct. As always, wash, rinse and dry thoroughly prior to use, and before long you’ll be bang at the #squonklyfe once more.
 I’ve found denture tablets to be a great “travel option” when going to Expos and Vapefest, as these are small,  portable and really easy to acquire. You need never be caught short in a socially embarrassing squonk based scenario again.
As well as the above tried and tested methods, there’s a few other more left field ideas I’ve seen people swear by, such as Mouthwash mixed with 3 teaspoons of english mustard. An interesting combo, and perhaps a good idea for a liquid, but I think I’ll just stick to the Milton or Sterident tablets for now ….
But sometimes, after all of the above, a bottle just isn’t coming back to its glory. At this point we must say our farewells and move on. But when it comes to new bottles, I like to play it safe, and want something that at least gives me some kind of head start. Stealthvape Goldilocks bottles, as mentioned above, are made to FDA and LFGB Cert standards, and not only this, are sterilised in a medical grade autoclave at 134 °C for 10 minutes before being sealed in an airtight packet. This ensures that the bottles reach the customer in the cleanest possible state, meaning contaminants are kept at bay right up to the point of initial use. With good care and “hygiene” these bottles last long, so try them yourself and see if others compare.
Above all remember: Cleaning is cool. Being a bit manky isn’t. Fact.

Dry Burning and Pulsing your Coils: What You Need to Know…

What is “Pulsing” a Coil?

“Pulsing” a coil, irrespective of type and constituent materials, is the act of passing short “pulses” of current through the unwicked element in order to heat it slowly. The aim of this (alongside “strumming”  and “squeezing” with tweezers etc.) is to eliminate “hotspots” and to allow the current to pass through the coil, making it glow evenly outwards from the centre of the element. This will prevent nasty, burnt tasting draws when in use, and stop the wicking material becoming damaged in isolated spots.

Further to this, many people who use cheaper wire of dubious origin and constitution have experienced issues with machine oil, residue and detritus contaminating the coil, and believe that by pulsing the coil any potential contaminants are burned away and nullified. This is not a problem we’ve personally encountered with our resistance wire, but we’ll look into “coil hygiene” in a later article.

What is “Dry Burning” a Coil?

“Dry burning” is similar to pulsing a coil, only this time after the wire has been put to use. Vapourising e-liquid will, after a time, cause the coil and wicking material to “gunk up” with matter that can affect the taste and performance given from your atomiser. To answer what that “gunk” is would be a lengthy exercise in chemistry and physics, but for our purpose here it will suffice to say that the manky stuff found after some time is a result of eliquid failing to vapourise effectively.

The most common cause of coil gunk is the sweeteners that can be found in many of today’s popular eliquid varietals. Alongside juices which are darker in colour, sweetened liquids are thought to contain denser, “heavier” molecules which are more difficult to vapourise completely.This means that as the liquid vapourises, those constituents which don’t vapourise entirely are left behind and maintain a solid form which then “burns” as more heat is applied to it. It will also “clog” and prevent the wicking from transporting liquid optimally and this, at least to the taste of most people, can give a somewhat overall unsatisfying and yakky vaping experience.

Most vapers will clean and reuse their coils to extend the usability and life span of their build set up, and in doing so most will “dry burn” the coils in the process. Quite how this is best done shall be looked at in a later article, but before we do that there are some things we need to be aware of before we decide  if dry burning is going to be for us.

The Composition of Wire and Oxidisation.

Many different varieities of metal and alloys of metal can be used as resistance wire coils in RDAs, RTAs and other types of vaping atomiser. We’ll have a quick look at the three most common below, returning to look at “Temperature Control” specific wires (like Ni200, NiFe and Titanium) another time.

i) Kanthal

Kanthal (FeCrAl) wires are a ferritic iron-chromium-aluminium alloy, which is extremely oxidation resistant and stable right up to

temperatures nearing the melting point of 1500℃. These wires are composed of mostly iron (72%), chromium (22%) and aluminum (6%). As Kanthal is heated it becomes coated with the thermodynamically most stable oxide. Since aluminum oxide is more thermodynamically stable than either chromium oxide or iron oxide, a layer of aluminum oxide forms on the surface of this wire. This “protects” it and provides longevity under thermal duress. Coupled with its malleability and relative low cost, this has been the traditional material of choice in vaping for a long time, and is probably the most widely available atty wire or coil building material to date.

ii) Nichrome

Nichrome (NiCr) is an alloy of Chromium and Nickel, available in various percentage mixes, the most common being Nichrome 80 (80% Nickel,  20% Chromium). This alloy is often referred to in vaping as Ni80 or N80. When heated to high “red hot” temperatures an outer layer of chromium(III) oxide develops, which acts to protect the heating element from further oxidation, making it last much longer. This variety of wire is renowned for its fast heating action (“ramp up”) and relatively lower resistance, often favoured by mechanical mod users because of its awesomely quick vapour producing effect. Popular amongst the cloudsbroclouds community contingent, pariculary as a ribbon or flat wire.

ii) Stainless Steel

“Stainless steel” is the generic term used for a number of different alloys used primarily because of their resistance to corrosion. Steel is an alloy of iron and carbon, and when at least 13% of chromium (Cr) is added to the alloy, it is then known as “stainless”, meaning that it does not rust. Other metals present in austenitic SS (the “300” numbered varieties) depend on its type. For example SS316L also contains small amounts of molybdenum (Mo – 2.5%) and manganese (Mn – 2%). These different additive metals are there to alter or give certain desirable qualities to the alloy. SS316L contains less carbon than 304 Stainless steel, which makes it preferable for higher temperature uses and exposure to corrosive element applications.

Just as in the case of Nichrome, the amount of Chromium in a stainless steel alloy is sufficient to form a protective layer of chromium oxide, protecting it and providing increased stability when heating.

Stainless Steel also has a quick “ramp up” time and a relatively low electrical resistance, making it ideal for use with mechanical devices. Further to this, it has an excellently predictable TCR and TFR pattern and is superb for use not only with straight wattage providing devices, but also with “Temperature Control” and DNA “Replay” devices such as those using DNA75C or DNA250C regulation boards. More info on this can be found in our earlier article here.

Particulate Matter.

As we have seen above, all of our vaping wires occur oxidisation, and oxidisation is a desirable condition when using metals to evaporate eliquid. It protects the material to a degree and enables us to to vape using reatively stable and efficient coils. However, there is a bit of a potential drawback to this, something which is increased by pulsing or dry burning your build, and that’s them pesky things known as particulates. As chemist Miroslaw Dworniczak puts it:

“In a nutshell: dry-burning definitely changes the inner structure of the metal/alloy. This, in turn, can affect the integrity of the coil, allowing tiny metal particles to be leached by e-liquid. When the liquid forms the aerosol, some of these particulate matter may be present in it, so then it can also enter vaper’s respiratory system.”

M.Dworniczak, 2016 “E-cigarette coils from a chemist’s point of view”, https://nicotinepolicy.net/blogs/guest-blogs/23-miroslaw-dworniczak/138-e-cigarette-coils-from-a-chemist-s-point-of-view

Pulsing and dry firing a coil may cause atomic alterations in the metal, potentially allowing constituent elements/ by-products to fragment alongside dislodged oxidised matter. In effect, we potentially run the risk of inhaling deep into the lungs teeny tiny incy wincy microscopic amounts of undesirable metallic materials. This sounds like a horrendous thing, and exactly the kind of thing anti-vaping zealots may get a froth on about. But as with all things in life, context here is vital. As the Royal College of Physicians advises:

“In normal conditions of use, toxin levels… are probably well below prescribed threshold limit values for

occupational exposure, in which case significant long-term harm is unlikely………Some harm from sustained exposure to low levels of toxins over many years may yet emerge, but the magnitude of these risks relative to those of sustained tobacco smoking is likely to be small.”

“Nicotine without smoke:Tobacco harm reduction”, 2016, p79, Tobacco Advisory Group, Royal College of Physicians,  https://www.rcplondon.ac.uk/projects/outputs/nicotine-without-smoke-tobacco-harm-reduction-0

Conclusion: So can we dry burn our coils then or what?

Well, being woke AF chilled out folk here at Stealthvape, we think that its entirely up to you. Although there is a risk of exposure to microscopic quantities of undesirable and potentially harmful by-product particulate matter, we believe that that decision is one which you should make for yourself. It is up to you as an indiviual to offset any potential risk of harm against the increased longevity and perfomance functionality provided by dry firing and pulsing your wire. As Farsalinos & Carvalho say:

“We will repeat our honest opinion that dry-burning the coils will not make vaping similar or worse than smoking. This is clear and there is no need for over-reactions. However…..If something can be avoided, vapers should be aware of it so that they can avoid it if they want to.”

K.Farsalinos and P.Carvalho,”Dry-burning metal coils: is it a good thing?”, 2015, http://www.ecigarette-research.org/research/index.php/research/research-2015/212-db

The answer to our conundrum then is really quite simple. There is a small risk (but risk nonetheless) of potential harm caused by dry burning and pulsing your coils. Whether or not you think the level of potential harm is negligible and worth taking in order to have a more convenient and pleasurable vaping experience, well that is entirely up to you as a responsible autonomus adult. As with all aspects of vaping, do some research, don’t be afraid to ask questions and make your own decision based upon your findings. Explore the possibilities and learn stuff along the way. And pass on the knowledge to those new to the vape community. Above all be courteous to those that may just happen to disagree.

It needn’t be a drama and it needed be a bore. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law!

Evolv DNA250C – What we know so far

You can find our Evolv DNA250C listing HERE
 
 
Due to some regulation or other, the USA version will have a slightly different output with a 3s battery configuration. As we understand, there is nothing that prevents either firmware being used regardless of geographical location or point of sale.
 
Battery Configuration USA INTERNATIONAL
2s 200w 200w
3s 250w 300w
4s 400w 400w

**RUMOUR UPDATE – The USA firmware is limited to 250w for 4s**

 
 
  • Usable as 2s, 3s or 4s
  • Colour Screen
  • Button layout as DNA75C (Fire, up, down, select)
  • Charging current has been confirmed at 2a
  • Maximum input voltage is 16.8v
  • Maximum output voltage is 12.4v
  • Maximum output wattage 400w

Board dimension are slightly different. Most notably the board is 2mm wider.

 
 
A new feature called Replay has been mentioned by Brandon in the below video interview by DJLsb Vapes. Replay lets you in a sense record your perfect vape by selecting replay directly after having that vape then future vapes follow the same power profile.
 

 
So that’s what we know. On reflection the main points of interest for us with the DNA250C are the colour screen and the potential of the new replay feature, but most of all the extra watt hours that an extra cell provides. We’ll still vape day to day at our regular wattage of just a touch over 100w, but with a starting voltage of 16.8v for a fully charged 4s pack we expect a significantly longer run time from a single charge.
 
To compare using the watt hour calculator in Escribe, a 3s 1300mAh  lipo works out @ 14.43Wh, and 4s 1300mAh @ 19.24Wh an expected increase of 33%.  So expect to get a third extra usage using a similar mAh pack in 4s.
 
We’ve made an DNA250C enclosure that supports a 4s 2200mAh lipo.
 
4s / 2200mAh is a whopping 32.56Wh. So if you were a fan of our DNA250 enclosure that used a 3s 1300mAh @ 14.43Wh you can expect at least double the usage on a single charge.
 
Here’s some useful links
 
DNA250C Enclosure BLACK / PLAIN
 
We warranty Evolv products. To find out more about how we protect your consumer rights please read this post
 
 

Solving Vape Crime Together

 

The issues affecting vapers is manifold: if the crime is committed against a store or manufacturer then the costs are passed down the line to us, and if it’s our things being liberated then the victim is obviously us once again. Whichever way it cuts, we have a vested interest in solving the ones that take place and preventing future ones from happening

In many ways we are like cinema chains; we have the power to prevent anybody suffering another Fantastic Four film. If someone says they hate superhero films then it’s almost definitely because they saw one of the FF franchise. Cinema owners could have got together and used their superpowers to prevent another screening – but did they? No, no they did not. They allowed the awfulness to continue and now we have a society where vapers have to act as vigilantes.

Damn you, 20th Century Fox. This is all on you.

Since the great switch from mech to regulated, devices lend themselves nicely to built-in protection. The numerous online bait bike videos illustrate how easy it would be to have a password function, or fingerprint ID, that if by-passed could release an inconvenient number of volts directly through the power button. An enterprising manufacturer would combine this with a video and wireless function so everybody could enjoy the event in real time.

That doesn’t help the shop. Some predictions for us leaving Europe include a massive financial slide and long unemployment queues. The quick-minded of you will realise this is a boon for vape crime fighting. Combining idle hands, piercings and valuable devices together, through the medium of a length of chain, gives you lock-down security. And, should the worst happen and a theft occurs, the store owner has a readymade witness to the event. Plus, if this was an art student then they’ll have the composite sketch whipped up before the Police response vehicle has stopped at Tesco, the off-licence and a doughnut shop. Don’t be critical, the police can’t function on free KFC, free McDs and free pizza alone.

If society does go to Hell in an unpatriotic handcart then at least it means all of the bank vaults will be lying empty. What better use could there be than to rent them out for vape collectors to store their devices? Clearly, neither of these solutions work if Brexit is a huge success and everyone is lighting cigars with £50 notes.

So we propose a trained Vaping Defence Force (VDF) to patrol vape stores and act as emergency first responders in the event of vape crime. It won’t come cheap but we reckon Big T will fund it. Your average company pulls in 68 billion per year, give or take, so something like this is a drop in the ocean and would be brilliant PR.

Vapers don’t wheeze as much as they used to when they smoked, which means they can creep up on crimes in progress more surreptitiously. Plus, like proper superheroes (not the Fantastic Four) they have utility belts and bags full of kit: two mods and a length of Kanthal makes for brilliant crime-fighting nunchaku.

Yep, you could do this…