Say hello to a bright new dawn. Say hello to an exciting future. Say hello to the only must-have item in the world of electronic cigarettes. Say hello to the peak of Mount Vaping. Say goodbye to the contents of your wallet, purse, bags and pockets. Say â€œBloody hell, I need that in my life!â€
World, welcome iWire X!
Our new partner said to us that weâ€™d be better off launching iWire 1 to the market. We scoffed at them. While that brand might know the fruit thatâ€™s always left uneaten in fruit bowls, and maybe phones, and computers, they certainly do not know vapers.
Vapers donâ€™t want iWire 1. Whatever that concept was it became outdated a week later when weâ€™d have launched iWire 2. By the following lunchtime, weâ€™d have been doing a press conference about iWire 3 and announcing that all support for iWire 1 had been scrapped. No, this is the future and that means something with an X on the end of the name.
Like any great product worth having, it is reassuringly expensive in the United States. At a cracking $129 a reel, it screams â€œaspirational vaping accessoryâ€. Such a desirable product would be let down if we didnâ€™t pretend that exchange rates and import duties justified the UK price of Â£189.
How many other reels of wire come in a bespoke box? None, thatâ€™s how many. And if they did then it wouldnâ€™t be a white box with two free stickers and a dedicated set of matching earplugs. This is how you recognise quality â€“ this is how people know you are a human of distinction.
The iWire X is ahead of the curve with a dynamic 6cm of width, a touch sensitive reel and facial recognition. Yes, thatâ€™s correct, you read it correctly â€“ the iWire reel comes complete with face recognition. All you need to do is stare at the reel, take in its simple form while it processes the millions of points on your head. Then you are all set to go.
Clearly, there is no speaker or screen so you are going to have to take our word for it that facial recognition worksâ€¦but when have we ever lied to you?Other reels are fiddly to use; everybody knows that. Wire spools off when you least want it to. So does the iWire, but that is a design feature so that everybody nearby can see you are using iWire and therefore attractive, intelligent and desirable.
Our iWire X is the very first wire for coiling that has had a roaming function designed into the product and will also accept MicroSIM cards. It wonâ€™t do anything with them afterwards, but it is comforting to know they are accepted.
Of course, iWire X only works with the iMod and iAtomiser. To purchase them you will need to book an appointment with one of our iGenies at the iStealthVapeStore. Once there, we can advise you of the best organs to sell in order to afford the complete package. Credit checks can be performed in-store to see if you qualify for our obscenely expensive loans.