Ask yourself this question: “Would I carry off a lead role in Braking Bad or be able to sing with ZZ Top?” If the answer is yes then it is very possible that you are a Beardy vaper. Facial foliage has become so popular that some vape emporiums are now denying access to anyone not sporting a minimum of a healthy seven-day growth. The growth of the hirsute can be traced back to Professor Beard, the earliest and beardiest vaper ever.
Fresh-faced fauna abounds on the bleak tundra too.
Interbreeding between the most miserable examples gave rise to the Expects perfection even though the product was on discount and cost a tenner vaper and the Post things for free vaper (who are unaware that the cost of the stamp is then included in the retail price). When not incessantly complaining to each other, this group like nothing more than to email the people they’ve just bought something from demanding to know why it wasn’t delivered yesterday. You can recognise them in the wild by their mating call of “I’ll never buy from you again!”
Thanks in part to the government being spineless and not implementing the compulsory sterilisation of stray dripping enthusiasts, these simple folk have bred and produced feral spawn. Becuz clowdz, bro vapers can be seen everywhere: at vapemeets, the entrance to Morrisons, downing a pint in the local and playing bingo with your grandma. A skittish beast, when startled they will exude voluminous quantities of opacity to aid their escape – shooting off to breed in bus shelters.
Arguments rage as to whether Free shit vaper came about after some idiot poured some unwanted juice down a sink or descended from an escaped imported American pet. They are attracted to the noise of exhibition centres and online giveaway lists. This genus is a simple beast and splits its time between listing what they obtain on vaping forum classified sections and sharing competitions on Facebook.
The insignificant but incredibly annoying They can afford it so I’ll nick what I want vaper appears to be flourishing. Conditions appear ripe for them and there are few natural predators. Timid by nature, they stay clear of other creatures unless hunting. If you find one and would like to look after it, they enjoy being hit on the head with a baseball bat and having their fingers crushed under the wheels of an articulated truck.
Twitter vaper can be identified by its pale complexion and glazed expression. It is probable that you could go a lifetime without ever encountering one unless you venture into its darkened lair. They gain sustenance from staring at a computer screen 24 hours a day, waiting for Simon Chapman, so they can put as many insults into 128 characters as possible.
Squonking vapers, despite all claims to the contrary, don’t really exist – they are just characters in a J. K. Rowling story. Seriously, how could anyone believe the tales of sexual prowess and intelligence? No. These things are as real as Loch Ness monsters and economic austerity programs that work.
…and then there’s the rest of us.