They’re everywhere: in your shops, on your public transport and all over social media. And, what makes it worse, they all hold ridiculous opinions about vaping. “Eeeeee, my mate’s husband’s step-sister spilt some of that nicotine liquid on her toe and it burnt it all off,” they say.
Author Archives: Rob Ellard
How are you feeling? Has the bloated sense that your stomach is set to explode lessened? Have the psychopathic urges to kill everybody entering your home subsided? Do you manage to avoid sending a close relation to the other side of the planet? In short, was it a good Christmas?
January. Christmas has gone, the credit card bill arrives and it’s still dark on the way to and from work. Nothing could be more miserable than this time of year. So, phone up the credit card company and get your limit extended to barely repayable levels because Stealthvape Tours and Travel wants to whisk you away from all of this.
Yes, as we said before Xmas, it’s been a cracking year. Unless you were famous in the 60s, 70s or 80s for singing. Or you were famous in the 60s, 70s or 80s for playing in the band. Or starred in a much-loved film. Or were the voice for the nation on Radio 2. Or wrote brilliant books. Or did magic. Or comedy. Or played football like a god. Or punched people well. Or were a Man from UNCLE. Or were Father Jack. Apart from those (and hundreds of other examples), it was a cracking year.
It’s been a cracking year, we hope you’ve enjoyed it. Obviously we aren’t referring to that thing we all voted on because it seems like nobody’s happy with that. Or the catalogue of much-loved celebrities who’ve been ripped from us. Or the diabolical weather, traffic gridlock, price rises and Britain’s Not Got Talent. Aside from those, and almost everything else, it’s been a cracking year.
Like 2015 before it, and the predictions for 2017, 2016 was another year of 52 weeks. Three hundred and sixty-five days of non-stop searing vape action – but how did it compare to our annual predictions? Good question, let’s find out…
Advocates say one thing, anti-vape campaigners say another; one side gets angry and the others up their game as they strive to win the argument. The cycle goes on and nobody seems to be winning. What we need is common ground, a shared experience to bring us all together. So we arranged a sporting event.
It’s that time of year when supermarkets are full of plastic masks and multipacks of sweets. So, come join us. Sit down by the campfire, grab a marshmallow on a stick and listen to our tale – but be warned, it’s very scary. It’s like the new episode of The Walking Dead only without humour and sense of bonhomie.
It’s that time of year where the wrong type of leaves can prevent public transport from completing its allotted mission. Instead of getting home to screaming children and upset spouses, commuters are cast onto cold platforms to wait, and watch shapes escaping from their mouths into the chilled air.
As inevitable as woman with a crown talking on the television after Xmas turkey, Santa is coming for you bearing gifts of a vape variety. Of course, logic says that we should be clearing stuff on the stand to make room. Logic says we can only use so many devices at one moment in time. But when did common sense enter into it?
