Choices, choices, choices


In fact, we’re seeing an unprecedented deluge of mods and atomisers from that part of the world with new models being announced on an almost weekly basis. And this is a problem. Well, to you this might not be a problem. To you problems might be what kind of curry to order tonight, whether to go with wine or beer and the fact that the postman still hasn’t delivered your vapemail.

In life I have three main problems: firstly, now the weather is nice I have the doors of the lounge open while I work. No problem there, you say. Now factor in the neighbours who shout a lot, have screaming children they swear at and possess the worst combined selection of music any person could have inflicted upon them. Odds are that you have or had neighbours like this or, if you are my neighbours, turn the damn tripe down.

My second problem is quite a challenging one – I own fourteen mods. No man or woman can possibly use all fourteen at once, not even in rotation. But the constant updates on websites make it impossible not to buy more. I’m currently waiting for my invoice from Mikro Engineering for my Challenger Mk.II – that’ll make it fifteen. To be honest, this isn’t the real problem…it’s what it leads to.

It creates problem number three. It is the one thing that vexes me most about vaping. I’ve got a toolbox; in the top compartments I store my charged batteries and my drip tips. On the wooden rack I built from part of my daughter’s ex-bed sit my range of attys. So the issue is that at any given moment I have to choose one from fourteen mods, one of three different battery sizes, one from fourteen attys, one from thirty drip tips and one from twenty four flavours.

That’s 423,360 possible combinations.

Four hundred and twenty-three thousand three hundred and sixty possible vape combinations! This ridiculous array of options for a man who struggles to decide whether to have a Jal Frezi or a Madras. When standing in the drinks aisle I can never decide between imported or home-brewed beer. This is the first time I’ve ever looked at this as a number, frankly I’m stunned.

But this problem doesn’t sit there, there’s the option of whether to go for Voodoowool, cotton, mesh, A1 Kanthal wire (which diameter?), ribbon (which width?), number of wraps, what resistance I think I might fancy and if to opt for single or dual wicks.

And then there are aesthetic considerations. For example, there is no way you could get away with a blue drip tip on a tarnished brass Kraken sitting proudly on a red aluminium Nemesis tube with a polished stainless switch & stealth cap and a polished brass lock ring. One minute you’re constructing a set-up to vape with, the next you’re looking at something as gaudy as a house covered in Xmas lights

I probably spend more time pondering whether or not the combination goes together than I do wicking and vaping the thing.

Life was so much easier when all I had was a Vamo and a Protank. I need a 21st Century Kepler to plan out a simple law of mod selection; either that, or a 21st Century Brahe to threaten to run me through with a sword if I don’t make my choice in 60 seconds flat.

I haven’t even touched upon the time spent online window-shopping.